Stupid jokes

[thomas]

Hehe, there are a lot of seamen/semen jokes, but, oh well, perhaps in the adult section, if we ever open one.

[Satori]

Hehe, there are a lot of seamen/semen jokes, but, oh well, perhaps in the adult section, if we ever open one.

Hey, an "adult section" would be cool!!

[Lina Inverse]

What's red and rotates very fast?
[spoiler=Answer]A frog in a mixer[/spoiler]

Hey, an "adult section" would be cool!!

Yes, that would be really great!

[Satori]

What's red and rotates very fast?
Answer: A frog in a mixer

Eeewwwww!!!!


Seriously, an adult section would be really great!!

[Satori]

MY RESUME

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned -- I
couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly
because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

Next I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live
on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but
the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to
the task.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

Now, I'm helping chart the course of our nation's future by helping resolve
the ballot situation in Florida. But, I'm not getting paid, so I guess it
doesn't count!

______________________

STOCK NEWS

I just received this from my broker. I don't normally pass on stock tips, but thought this explosive situation might prove to be another "Enron."

Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks:
American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Co., & Northern Tissue Co.

Due to uncertain market conditions, we advise you to sit tight on your
American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and
millions were wiped clean.

___________________

Weird Signs

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electricity Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."


_______________________

[jovial_jon]

Those are great Satori! I'm trying to get a job at a bakery - I really need the dough. Thank you, thank you!

There's an Indian builder near where I live and it says on his van: "You've tried all the cowboys - now try the Indian."

[EscaFlowne]

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned -- I
couldn't concentrate.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

All those were great! I love these!