Radical difference between East and West regarding relationships and marriage

[jt9258]

I do realize that there are obligations I have to the woman. The only reason I haven't discussed them is because what I'm willing to provide just didn't fit into the context of my inquiries.

In the eyes of a Japanese women its not about a potential husband being willing to provide, its about him proving that he can be a good provider, and in many cases there would be a need for a potential husband to prove himself to be a good provider. It should be remembered that when you marry a Japanese women, in many cases the parents need to know that you can provide for there daughter, the spoken word in these cases is not enough, which means they may very well need to see that you can be a good provider, and worthy of there respect, actions speak louder than words.

That is, to find a woman who falls for me not because she knows how financially stable I am, but because I make her emotionally happy. I know this is asking much. Since what reasonable thinking person would voluntarily put themselves with a person that can't provide for them.

For Japanese women money is king. So while a husband may be able to provide today, and for many years to come, should a time arise in the future, where her husband cannot provide for her and the children, the wife can, and will end the marriage, just as easy as they entered the marriage.

Yet that is the sacrificial test involved. If the woman figured. "Well, he makes me happy and if we plan together, we'll survive in this world."

Planning together is not some thing Japanese women would do, making decisions for the family on your own, is what she will be looking for, trying to do things on a joint bases, would only be viewed by a wife, as a sign of weakness on your part, and remember in many cases its regarded as normal for a wife to look after your monthly salary, handing back to her husband an allowance (Pocket Money).

Again, this is all wishful thinking (in regards to the woman appreciating me on an emotional level that is. There isn't any wishful thinking about my finances, I am well secured.)

The toughest part will be, how you will actually know if she loves you emotionally, or if her love is based on your status and financial position, too many men have fallen for the charms of a Japanese women, only to find that
after marriage and children the emotional loving relationship they shared has gone.

You make a point about the slavery mindset as well. I was referring more to the women who think that I expect them to clean or take care of me in such a manner.

Its not what you want or expect your wife to do, its what they will do for you, as they regard it as being disrespectful to do anything less, for them it will be normal to do things for you.

Again, I just wanted the woman to know that if being a housewife isn't what she enjoys doing, that she certainly doesn't have to be limited to it. That I won't think less of her if she decides to go to school full time, gets a job, or if she doesn't make the house spotless at all times.

It may very well be possible to find a Japanese women who would like to continue with some form of career or employment, though a lot will also depend on her mother's views, of her daughters role after marriage, because many Japanese women still take the lead from there mother's, so should your wife continue to work or seek work after marriage, it could send a message to the parents that you are not a good provider.

I just didn't want her thinking that I expect these things of her and that I would judge her based on her performance in these areas.

As long as you provide for her and the children you have, it will not be about you judging her on her performance, though your ability to provide will be judged not only by her, but her parents, while you are providing for the family, you will gain her respect, though fail to provide and its finished.

You make another valid point about the peer pressure and lack of PDA. I have considered that thought in my mind and don't find it too difficult to master the prediciment. I will do what I can to avoid putting her in an awkward situation where she may be scrutinized by her peers.

While you may not have a problem mastering different situations, so as not to create a problem for your wife, I feel that you are expecting her to follow two different set of rules, the first being that outside your home, she would follow the Japanese rules, though when at home, she could relax and be more open to live a western style loving relationship, and not just be a slave to you.
While this may sound ideal, in practice it can be very difficult, to impossible, for a Japanese women, to follow this type of life style, this is because as you may already know, Japan is group orientated, everything in life is done on a group bases, Uchi/Soto, so while your wife may be in the comfort of her own home, if located within Japan, then she would be living within the Japanese group, so she would feel, that she has to follow the rules appropriate for living within this group, that is why Japanese people can relax more outside Japan, because they are completely outside the group.

I also have considered that to be emotionally open that the potential girlfriend/wife may request that she be taken out of the Japanese environment completely so that she can develop a comfort for casuality that she otherwise would not be allowed to practice.

Yes! This could very well be a possibility, there are many Japanese women who want to live outside Japan with a western husband, though while this will allow a potential girlfriend/wife to live a more casual life style, her roots are still within the Japanese group way of thinking, and there may always be feelings of wanting to return to Japan, responsibilities to her aging parents etc.
However there are men who have lived good lives with there Japanese wives outside Japan for many years, many then return to Japan as a family, though some men have also lost there wives, because the Japanese wife has returned to Japan without saying anything to her husband.
The reason for this, is that Japanese people, do not like creating or being a problem to others, so while a wife may appear to be happy living outside Japan, she may over time develop the need to return to Japan, she will feel that to explain her feelings to her husband would only bring him trouble so for her its better to just leave without saying anything.