to some degree I can understand what you mean Kirei-na-me, when you say your husband takes things personal during arguments -mine too! Sometimes I feel like I am hitting my head on a brick wall and end up backing down and smoothing things out myself because it seems he never will. We tend not to argue too much thankfully though.
Although..... we have only been married for 11 months - together for 3 years.
he treats me really well - nothing at all like the stereotypes of J-men.
we have to put soo much effort into constant clear communication, so there's not too many misunderstandings - as I can't speak much Japanese and his English is not yet perfect. Communication is so important in marriage - especially international ones!