Bad Japanese manners / Where are the polite Japanese ?

[ricecake]

Women are often treated differently than men and are supposed to fulfill a taxing role in the old-fashioned man-woman-relationship.

When I am with my Japanese girlfriend and I order something (for example curry rice) many waiters/waitresses ask my girlfriend for further questions (for example how hot I want the curry to be).

Japanese men are esteemed in society at the expense of their women-folk is how Japan structures it,I am not seeing any sign of dramatic changes in regard to gender matters.

This scenerio comes up often,is it customary or these Japanese individuals just want to get it right as they're known perfectionists