Radical difference between East and West regarding relationships and marriage

[Enfour]

Ahem... I think the main issue with the bathing question is that while families all use the same bath water, it is NOT because they are all jumping in the bath together at the same time.

Yes fathers and daughter use the same bathwater. The bath is filled at around 6pm and it stays in the bath until all the family have had their baths - usually IN TURNS.

The exception is when there are small children involved and the mother goes into supervise bath times.

Most fathers don't get home from work before their children have gone to bed. Most fathers would get home after 11pm on a weeknight.

Not many families have sento-sized baths in their houses and it is very difficult to fit more than one adult in a unit bath.

Onsens are a completely different matter and have been discussed already.

[neko_girl22]

Ahem... I think the main issue with the bathing question is that while families all use the same bath water, it is NOT because they are all jumping in the bath together at the same time.

Yes fathers and daughter use the same bathwater. The bath is filled at around 6pm and it stays in the bath until all the family have had their baths - usually IN TURNS.

Using the same bath water grosses you out? It might sound terrible but really it's not that bad. Because they do all there scrubbing and washing outside the bath , the bath water is used only to relax in - just like an onsen.
I once had the last bath while staying with a family of 5. The water was fine!
(btw, as the guest I would normally bathe first, but I came home late.)

[Golgo_13]

Using the same bath water grosses you out? It might sound terrible but really it's not that bad. Because they do all there scrubbing and washing outside the bath , the bath water is used only to relax in - just like an onsen.
I once had the last bath while staying with a family of 5. The water was fine!
(btw, as the guest I would normally bathe first, but I came home late.)

Just imagine the monthly water bill if you had to fill the tub 5 times each night!

[yimija]

Just imagine the monthly water bill if you had to fill the tub 5 times each night!

take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...

[kirei_na_me]

take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...

That sounds good to me...hehe

I still love my baths, though. I wish I had a huge tub...

[Golgo_13]

take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...

What happens if one drops the soap?

[yimija]

What happens if one drops the soap?

whatever must happend will happend, anyway, so what's the worry ?
but, if you are affraid, you can take a bath (two by two, too)
if not, dont choose any of the two solutions (not really recomended unless you live in the Taklamakan desert - where you'll never find a shower or an onse, anyway)

[Golgo_13]

whatever must happend will happend, anyway, so what's the worry ?

You wouldn't be saying that if you were the one bending over !

[Keoland]

I once had the last bath while staying with a family of 5. The water was fine!
(btw, as the guest I would normally bathe first, but I came home late.)

And you got to use the water last? And liked it? It's usually quite cold by then... which I suppose is why the father always gets to go last (men suffer...)

Anyway, I'm glad someone pointed out that 'taking a bath' in Japan isn't the same thing as in the West, and that in a normal house isn't possible for two people to be in the tub at the same time (and even less likely that they wash together, because that would mean that one of them gets to freeze outside while the other sits in the water).

As for the big tubs, it is not shocking if the whole family is there - it helps to spend some quality time together.

take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...

I heard that american males pee on their girlfriends when they are not watching if they take shower together (actually, I heard several americans bragging to each other about it). Is that true?

I have never heard about that. Usually nowadays, the guests pay everything as they have to pay a fixed amount of money (usually 10.000 to 30.000yen in Tokyo, depending on the formality of the party, but I heard it could be over 100.000yen in some regions). That replaces the gift and pays for all the wedding's expenses.

In Japan too? I know that this is done in China: the guests have to bring in a certain amount of money and that pays for the wedding expenses. Which is why marriages tend to have many guests.

I was amazed at how chinese weddings were so similar to the ones in my country, really... we also have that tradition

In fact, a good deal of the things that are pointed out as "Japanese" were the rule here, too... my grandmother had to quit her job when she got married (even though she made more money than my grandfather and then they had some financial hardships for decades).

Also, until the mid 1970s, women in my country were the legal property of their husbands - if my mother fled from home, my father could call the police to get her delivered back home, no questions asked...

Also, it was still common for people of my generation to sleep with their parents... it did it on and off until I was 7, some till later on. It CAN affect independence (one of my friends still slept with them at age 30).

Also, here people tend to live with parents until married (some - like me - are exceptions, but most adhere to this rule), with the result that many people live with daddy and mommy till their late 30s, 40s or even 50s (my 55-year-old aunt never married, thus she never left the parental home, for example. And I have at least two friends in their 40s that still live with their parents).

I must say that the differences between 'West' and Japan seem to me to be less than what they are... or is my country that different? From the US, maybe. But not from all of Europe, surely!

Regards,
Keoland