Radical difference between East and West regarding relationships and marriage

[Maciamo]

Originally posted by jspecdan
Wow, very interestin Kirei Na Me. Whenever my dad bought a new car, he always consulted my mother. Being a 3rd Gen J-A, my mom said "do whatever you want, it's your money. I don't care."

2nd or 3rd generation J-A were not brought up in Japan and therefore think mostly like the culture and people they have always known. It's nothing genetic, I assure you.

Some of my Japanese-American/Canadian friends have parents that sleep in separate rooms, while others, like my parents, sleep together in the same bed. I dunno, I think it depends upon the people, how they were raised, and where they were raised.

Again, you are not talking of people living in Japan. The US and Canada are melting pots of ethnies and cultures, which is why you find so many different way of doing things. From my European experience (in 5 countries), my impression is that couples who sleep in different rooms usually can't stand each other anymore or had a loveless marriage, which is almost frowned upon nowadays. But as in Japan so many marriage are more a business than a love story, it's normal they should sleep separate.

As for women are to serve men as brought up, that is only somewhat true.

I want to break this false image Westerners have of the "Japanese wife-servant". Whereas gender roles are clearly defined, Japanese women are far from being servants. Men work hard all day and come back home late. They don't have time or energy to cook and do housework. As women only have to care about houseworks (once children go to school, they haven't much to do all day long, but housework and cooking).

I understand how Westerners would consider unacceptable a situation where the woman is the only one to do the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, etc. while the man watches TV, because most Western women work, and their husband might be home at 6pm.

But if the man is home at 11pm and the woman doesn't work at all, it's not to much to expect from her to cook 1 meal and care about house chores. I actually don't know how Japanese men would cope living single by themselves. Women have the "good role" and most are happy to get married just to stop working and use their husband money for their hobbies or care about the children they had longed for.

Kirei na me has it right when she says women have decsional power on the family finances. I was surprised how my own wife turned into a meticulous accountant spontaneously and without training once we started living in Japan (or got married, as it happened at the same time). I've read and heard many times since then that virtually all Japanese woman had this "gift" for "calculation". Marriage is a real business in Japan. Fortunately my wife also believe in love marriage (she says I don't have money anyway ).

[krisxtokyo]

I want to break this false image Westerners have of the "Japanese wife-servant". Whereas gender roles are clearly defined, Japanese women are far from being servants. Men work hard all day and come back home late. They don't have time or energy to cook and do housework. As women only have to care about houseworks (once children go to school, they haven't much to do all day long, but housework and cooking).
I understand how Westerners would consider unacceptable a situation where the woman is the only one to do the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, etc. while the man watches TV, because most Western women work, and their husband might be home at 6pm.
But if the man is home at 11pm and the woman doesn't work at all, it's not to much to expect from her to cook 1 meal and care about house chores. I actually don't know how Japanese men would cope living single by themselves. Women have the "good role" and most are happy to get married just to stop working and use their husband money for their hobbies or care about the children they had longed for.
Kirei na me has it right when she says women have decsional power on the family finances. I was surprised how my own wife turned into a meticulous accountant spontaneously and without training once we started living in Japan (or got married, as it happened at the same time). I've read and heard many times since then that virtually all Japanese woman had this "gift" for "calculation". Marriage is a real business in Japan. Fortunately my wife also believe in love marriage (she says I don't have money anyway ).

Strongly Strongly Agree. Alot of my friends in the states most of whom have never been out of the country or even have any interst in Japan, only know of the stereotypes. They always ask me why I would marry a Japanese man because I'm just going to be "his slave". I try to explain to them the cultural gender roles difference but the majority just don't understand. When I tell them I have no intention to work after I get married they usually say that I have been "too heavily influenced by Japan". Japan did influence my views on marriage and gender roles but I have had "traditional" family views my whole life and my mom was a stay at home mom so I always thought of it as normal, not negative.