Wa-pedia Home > Japan Forum & Europe Forum
Page 4 of 10 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
Results 76 to 100 of 232

Thread: Radical difference between East and West regarding relationships and marriage

  1. #76
    Regular Member ippolito's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 7, 2003
    Location
    rome italy
    Age
    69
    Posts
    80
    Well I can image but cannot understand what could be the feeling btwn 2 girls
    as i never loved a man only girls and women....
    I have been always actracted by 2 girls love....but not as passive watcher...
    but would like to partecipate all 3....do you think is strange?
    sayonara

  2. #77
    Now it's me yimija's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location
    it depends on the day
    Posts
    51

    Heart only you can tell, Ippolito

    Quote Originally Posted by ippolito
    Well I can image but cannot understand what could be the feeling btwn 2 girls
    as i never loved a man only girls and women....
    I have been always actracted by 2 girls love....but not as passive watcher...
    but would like to partecipate all 3....do you think is strange?
    sayonara
    Hello,
    well I have never ever had experience with a man, of course, but I know and understand what love can do to two human beings. So it should not be too difficult for you to understand what love can do between 2 men or 2 women.

    As for your envy to make it at 3, you are like all the men I know : 2 girls and you in the middle, no ? Try the other way : 2 men and your little woman in the middle. Would you appreciate ?

    Now you can tell if it's stange or not. It all comes down to one thing : what's going on in your head. Then, once you know that, you can decide wether you are strange or not...

    have a good week, Ippolito san
    Just little me!!! But maybe a little taller

    You grow up, every day. Every second...

  3. #78
    Regular Member ippolito's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 7, 2003
    Location
    rome italy
    Age
    69
    Posts
    80
    so you never have relations with a man...perhaps you never need him...
    I respect your choice...you should have your reasons...
    i do not find strange a love between 2 women or men but i perefer old style...
    with a woman.....women are sweeter than men in this...so not rude....as 2 men could be with a woman.
    i was talking to stay with 2 girls that love eachother...as i never saw this
    this does not mean that i will do....it was just a desire of something to discover.
    my little woman as you say would never accept that situation....
    about your love in Venezia I saw there a lot of very nice girls....
    so you have been in Toscana did you tried steak fiorentina?
    I also like grappa and red wine but cannot drink anymore for high blood preassure
    In Toscana is possible to find a very good cuisine...
    one question do you live in Japan?
    have a nice day
    We write many things.....but the reality is different sometimes.....

  4. #79
    Now it's me yimija's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location
    it depends on the day
    Posts
    51

    Heart different views

    Quote Originally Posted by ippolito
    so you never have relations with a man...perhaps you never need him...
    I respect your choice...you should have your reasons...
    Dear Ippolito, thank you for your respect, I do appreciate and also, I DO have good reason : I'm born like that, Thank you to whoever is the donator of such a great present. I would never change anything,n ot a single thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by ippolito
    i do not find strange a love between 2 women or men but i perefer old style...
    with a woman.....women are sweeter than men in this...so not rude....as 2 men could be with a woman.
    i was talking to stay with 2 girls that love eachother...as i never saw this
    this does not mean that i will do....it was just a desire of something to discover.my little woman as you say would never accept that situation....
    I hope you'll find peace of mind about all that. It's a good experience to come...

    Quote Originally Posted by ippolito
    about your love in Venezia I saw there a lot of very nice girls....
    so you have been in Toscana did you tried steak fiorentina?
    I also like grappa and red wine but cannot drink anymore for high blood preassure
    In Toscana is possible to find a very good cuisine...
    one question do you live in Japan?
    have a nice day
    We write many things.....but the reality is different sometimes.....
    I'm not sure about the steak fiorentina, it's possible, I might be a little confused with all the food I allread had in Italy... LOL.

    Well, no I dont live in Japan, I'm a lot closer to you than you think. I "live" in Geneva (I say live because it's where I have an appartment,) but my work take me away most of the time and when I have holidays... I'll go somewhere else... But Venezia is only 5 hours drive from Venezia...

  5. #80
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 15, 2004
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3
    dude....just take it easy. dont get so excited.
    Anyway dont you think it should be one and one...i dont have a problem with MM or FF relationships or whatever.
    But with 3 people thats bad. i know i am just another ****** who still believes in love...but didnt you ever think you would have soulmate who would be the only one you are ever with?

  6. #81
    Now it's me yimija's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location
    it depends on the day
    Posts
    51

    Heart Shhhhhh

    Quote Originally Posted by rinawoaishiteiru
    dude....just take it easy. dont get so excited.
    Anyway dont you think it should be one and one...i dont have a problem with MM or FF relationships or whatever.
    But with 3 people thats bad. i know i am just another ****** who still believes in love...but didnt you ever think you would have soulmate who would be the only one you are ever with?
    Don't calll Ippolito san dude, mate, it ain't nice, and it's a nice & respectable forum here. From one aussie to another one.

    And as long as you are not within the "3 people that's bad", everybody has the right to do what he/she/they want in their home. Of course I understand very well that you do not like it that way. But you are still young and you might well change your mind later, and there will be nothing wrong with that either.

    So you see, life is simple and pleasant. Goodday, mate !

  7. #82
    Where I'm Supposed to Be kirei_na_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 31, 2003
    Location
    Virginia
    Age
    42
    Posts
    218
    As far as I'm concerned, one on one is the best way to go, whether it's male or female.

    Anyway...back to our regularly scheduled program...
    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

  8. #83
    Samurai Golgo_13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 27, 2003
    Location
    KIX -> JFK -> LAX
    Posts
    114
    Quote Originally Posted by yimija
    take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...
    What happens if one drops the soap?

  9. #84
    Now it's me yimija's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location
    it depends on the day
    Posts
    51

    Heart soap story

    Quote Originally Posted by Golgo_13
    What happens if one drops the soap?
    whatever must happend will happend, anyway, so what's the worry ?
    but, if you are affraid, you can take a bath (two by two, too)
    if not, dont choose any of the two solutions (not really recomended unless you live in the Taklamakan desert - where you'll never find a shower or an onse, anyway)

  10. #85
    Samurai Golgo_13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 27, 2003
    Location
    KIX -> JFK -> LAX
    Posts
    114
    Quote Originally Posted by yimija
    whatever must happend will happend, anyway, so what's the worry ?
    You wouldn't be saying that if you were the one bending over !

  11. #86
    Now it's me yimija's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location
    it depends on the day
    Posts
    51

    Heart really ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Golgo_13
    You wouldn't be saying that if you were the one bending over !
    well, it will mainly depend on a lot of things, but since I only take showers with someone I know extremely well, I would probably still say that...

    Do you take showers with strangers ??? LOL !!!!! Then your point of view is interesting, of course...

  12. #87
    Regular Member ippolito's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 7, 2003
    Location
    rome italy
    Age
    69
    Posts
    80

    sometimes just dreams

    Well ono to one of course is the best opposite sex.....
    But i have done many experiences with girls and woman
    specially with orientals...
    what I wrote as i am very curious....and as jimijia wrote (i am agree with her)
    in a house we are free if the other girl or gilrs is in harmomy....and not forced.
    but I did never tried ....it was only a shadow dream...perhaps it willl remain so.



    Quote Originally Posted by rinawoaishiteiru
    dude....just take it easy. dont get so excited.
    Anyway dont you think it should be one and one...i dont have a problem with MM or FF relationships or whatever.
    But with 3 people thats bad. i know i am just another ****** who still believes in love...but didnt you ever think you would have soulmate who would be the only one you are ever with?

  13. #88
    gokarosama
    Join Date
    Mar 1, 2005
    Posts
    7
    I wonder if I'm alone in thinking the first post here is an amalgam of prevailing stereotypes and cannot in any way be applied accurately to individual couples. In other words, as they say here, "case by case"...

    ?

  14. #89
    Twirling dragon Maciamo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 17, 2002
    Location
    Posts
    2,434
    Quote Originally Posted by gokarosama
    I wonder if I'm alone in thinking the first post here is an amalgam of prevailing stereotypes and cannot in any way be applied accurately to individual couples. In other words, as they say here, "case by case"...
    Well, that seems pretty obvious that we can never talk for everybody, just the most representative part of the population (that is, the major tendency found in a particulat social group, here the Japanese and Westerners).

    Visit Japan for free with Wa-pedia
    See what's new on the forum ?
    Eupedia : Europe Guide & Genetics
    Maciamo & Eupedia on Twitter

    "What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone?", Winston Churchill.

  15. #90
    Twirling dragon Maciamo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 17, 2002
    Location
    Posts
    2,434
    I have split the discussion about India/Bangladesh started by Rayc here

  16. #91
    Regular Member misa.j's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 6, 2004
    Location
    NYS, US
    Age
    47
    Posts
    81
    I have been reading this thread lately since it was brought up again, have noticed the topic has been shifting to all kinds of directions, and it's very interesting.

    It seems to me that a religion or one's belief take a huge part of decision making such as marriage, for some people. I'm very new to this idea and kind of makes me wonder if having different religions interferes a relationship in anyway.

    Another thing I thought about is the reason why some Japanese men seem rather family oriented and serious than affectionate and romantic might be related to him being the oldest son in the family.

    It seems like a lot of Japanese still think that the oldest child is supposed to be resposible for his/her parents and their own family, but it is indeed sad that some of them lose interests in maintaining other importances.

  17. #92
    Regular Member Mars Man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 28, 2005
    Posts
    63
    This subject, in a lot of ways has been on my working desk for the past three years, and it is this very subject which brought me to the forum in the first place--marriage/divorce in Jpn.

    As so often these days (I'm still new) I'm getting in on the end of the line, kind of. Maciamo, I think the original write-up is well done, plenty researched out, and pretty much gets all the facts right. Nice job! Kirei na me, I will jump up and down and shout it from the Tokyo tower--you've gotta really milk that cow! All the people and sites and such dealing with marriage/relationships/sex/love say that over and over again. I'm sure you know the likes of 'men from Mars, women from Venus' or the books by the Pease's. The brain people are saying it too. The Anatomy of Love is a good book too. SO... yes the love cocktail will only last at most some 18 months, long enough to have bred and developed some feeling of being used to the partner before that 'wild oats' sower would be on his way again, and so you've got to rekindle that hormonal flow with memories--they carry strong emotion kickers-in.

    With all the gender awareness coming out of the states, I hope it will be sooner than later that it really starts getting into society here in Japan. I think a well-balance sex education program would really help in developing the love marriagae concept here. (I'm not saying it needs to be replaced, there are different strokes for different folks--although all the housewives I've talked to on this subject who had done that expressed an emptiness now, after the children had grown up. That may be one major cause in the 'older divorcee' problem that's still growing, it seems.

    I'll get back with some good sites and stuff. I've got one good tutorial about schemas for female/male 'roles' which society unconsciously pressures us into. I've gotta go to bed now. (Oh, and my Japanese wife and I don't do it the Japanese way with the money, but we both report to each other, and we both share and keep open minds as oft as possible. GOOD NIGHT, my bride of youth (now who said I was old) is waiting !! (yeah, Mars Man, only in your dreams!)
    Last edited by Mars Man; Aug 9, 2005 at 07:27. Reason: I got his name, but not the family name--Pease

  18. #93
    Fire Star Man -Rudel-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 8, 2005
    Location
    東、沖縄市
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20
    Posted By: Maciamo

    ...That doesn't mean Japanese women cheat more, but lots of them certainly consider money as more important than love or sex (which I find very saddening)....
    I never want to cheat on my wife, considering I go by western standards. My wife tells me that being together is more important than money. It's amazing. I never heard anyone talk like that. Especially since I worry about money all the time. I just want the best for her. Just my 2 cents
    I Listened Too:

  19. #94
    Regular Member Keoland's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 1, 2005
    Location
    Lisbon, Portugal
    Age
    46
    Posts
    18
    Quote Originally Posted by neko_girl22
    I once had the last bath while staying with a family of 5. The water was fine!
    (btw, as the guest I would normally bathe first, but I came home late.)
    And you got to use the water last? And liked it? It's usually quite cold by then... which I suppose is why the father always gets to go last (men suffer...)

    Anyway, I'm glad someone pointed out that 'taking a bath' in Japan isn't the same thing as in the West, and that in a normal house isn't possible for two people to be in the tub at the same time (and even less likely that they wash together, because that would mean that one of them gets to freeze outside while the other sits in the water).

    As for the big tubs, it is not shocking if the whole family is there - it helps to spend some quality time together.

    Quote Originally Posted by yimija
    take a shower, two by two. it'll save water, soap and time...
    I heard that american males pee on their girlfriends when they are not watching if they take shower together (actually, I heard several americans bragging to each other about it). Is that true?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maciamo
    I have never heard about that. Usually nowadays, the guests pay everything as they have to pay a fixed amount of money (usually 10.000 to 30.000yen in Tokyo, depending on the formality of the party, but I heard it could be over 100.000yen in some regions). That replaces the gift and pays for all the wedding's expenses.
    In Japan too? I know that this is done in China: the guests have to bring in a certain amount of money and that pays for the wedding expenses. Which is why marriages tend to have many guests.

    I was amazed at how chinese weddings were so similar to the ones in my country, really... we also have that tradition

    In fact, a good deal of the things that are pointed out as "Japanese" were the rule here, too... my grandmother had to quit her job when she got married (even though she made more money than my grandfather and then they had some financial hardships for decades).

    Also, until the mid 1970s, women in my country were the legal property of their husbands - if my mother fled from home, my father could call the police to get her delivered back home, no questions asked...

    Also, it was still common for people of my generation to sleep with their parents... it did it on and off until I was 7, some till later on. It CAN affect independence (one of my friends still slept with them at age 30).

    Also, here people tend to live with parents until married (some - like me - are exceptions, but most adhere to this rule), with the result that many people live with daddy and mommy till their late 30s, 40s or even 50s (my 55-year-old aunt never married, thus she never left the parental home, for example. And I have at least two friends in their 40s that still live with their parents).

    I must say that the differences between 'West' and Japan seem to me to be less than what they are... or is my country that different? From the US, maybe. But not from all of Europe, surely!

    Regards,
    Keoland

  20. #95
    Yay! ziad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2, 2005
    Location
    Sweden
    Age
    31
    Posts
    1
    Quite interesting.

  21. #96
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 17, 2005
    Age
    46
    Posts
    64
    Quote Originally Posted by Maciamo
    Usually nowadays, the guests pay everything as they have to pay a fixed amount of money (usually 10.000 to 30.000yen in Tokyo, depending on the formality of the party, but I heard it could be over 100.000yen in some regions). That replaces the gift and pays for all the wedding's expenses.
    Since I'm getting married soon, perhaps I can give a little more insight into this process. I was in two minds about revealing the exact cost of my wedding party, but since this is basically anonymous (no one knows me other than as Silverpoint) I think I can safely fill you in on the details. I'll give (approximate) dollar figures as well for those who aren't familiar with Japanese yen.

    My wedding will cost about 2,000,000 yen (about $20,000). This is reasonably high for Hokkaido where I live. Down south, especially in Tokyo, costs can be a lot higher.

    Of this, each guest who attends the wedding will pay 12,000 yen ($60) and we will have about 75 guests. So in total the guests will pay about 900,000 yen ($9,000). Each guest absolutely has to pay. If you and your partner are both guests at our wedding you have to pay for both people. It's also worth pointing out that any singletons who come to our wedding who get married in the future will be pretty much obliged to invite us to their wedding, so over the coming years we will end up paying back a large amount of the money we receive.

    This figure is pretty standard for Hokkaido. In Tokyo the guest fee is more likely to be 30,000 yen ($150) which is exactly what I paid to attend a friend's wedding last year. Although Maciamo mentioned that he's heard of wedding fees costing 100,000+ yen, I'd suggest this would be extremely unusual. Even if the couple getting married are wealthy, there are always going to be guests for whom 100,000 yen is a serious amount of money and considerably more than they could afford.

    As you can see the money from our guests is considerably short of paying for the entire wedding (about 1.1 million yen short in fact!). The rest of the money is provided by myself and my fiancee, and both sets of parents. In recognition of the high cost of my entire family coming out to Japan for the wedding, my fiancee's father has insisted that his contribution should be higher. If both sets of parents were Japanese, I don't know for sure what would happen.

    Tradition dictates that we have to provide a gift to every guest that attends (nothing major - just a token offering to thank them for coming). Each person will get exactly the same gift. Hotels keep a catalogue of gifts which the couple can choose from. I believe that our gift to each person will cost 1,650 yen which doesn't sound like a lot, but multiply it by 75 and you get 123,750 yen (or over $1,200 worth of booty which we have to give back). This money is provided by us.

    All the money from the guests goes immediately to the hotel. Rather than financing the entire wedding, the guests pay only for their meal which is a fairly lavish affair (I believe it's 7 courses, although I'd need to check). The price of the meal is set by the hotel and is usually the same in pretty much every hotel you visit. Guests usually know the 'local' rate and so it would be impossible for us to ask for more.



    One thing that is interesting about Japanese weddings is who gets to attend. Certainly in England (and I daresay in many other 'western' countries) people generally get invited as couples. For example if I invited a co-worker, they would normally get to bring their wife/partner along. However in Japan, only people who are personally known to the people getting married are generally invited. So if if neither myself or my fiancee knows the co-workers wife or husband, they simply don't get invited. This works quite well for two reasons. 1) Everyone who attends knows the couple getting married. There are no people who feel a bit out of place because they've just been invited as a token gesture. 2) It avoids partners of guests having to pay to go to a wedding where they don't really know anyone.

    If anyone has any burning questions, I'd be happy to try and answer them.

  22. #97
    Regular Member cicatriz esp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 21, 2004
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Age
    20
    Posts
    33
    Not a question, but the concept of a guest being obliged to pay to attend a wedding completely boggles my mind. I'd never attend another wedding if that were a universal custom.

  23. #98
    Where I'm Supposed to Be kirei_na_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 31, 2003
    Location
    Virginia
    Age
    42
    Posts
    218
    Quote Originally Posted by cicatriz esp
    Not a question, but the concept of a guest being obliged to pay to attend a wedding completely boggles my mind. I'd never attend another wedding if that were a universal custom.
    You and me both.

    Oh well, it's just the difference in culture...

  24. #99
    Regular Member Mars Man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 28, 2005
    Posts
    63
    Silverpoint, you really paid through the nose for that one !! I truly wish you a great and most successful married life !! Remember to work hard to keep the ole 'love cocktail' alive over the years, and that it takes two to tango, two hands to clap, and that two heads are better than one.

    My wedding was (well, second wedding, unfortunately) done in the kaihi style. All the guests were given a quote of the cost per person (of course ending in less than the estimated total on purpose) with the neighbors getting a little discount since their going is slightly 'giri' (obligation is a lose translation). Some gave more. We had the food served 'viking' style (buffet). To the best of my memory, it was at a total cost of some 620,000 yen. I don't like expensive, flamboyant weddings. I've seen some couples recently go quite simple--signing the papers and later having a simple party style reception. Love is more important than the show, would be my vote !!

  25. #100
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 17, 2005
    Age
    46
    Posts
    64
    Quote Originally Posted by cicatriz esp
    Not a question, but the concept of a guest being obliged to pay to attend a wedding completely boggles my mind. I'd never attend another wedding if that were a universal custom.
    Presumably in America it would be considered pretty rude if you didn't buy a wedding gift though? It's just the same thing expressed in a different way. It's not "paying" to attend. It's a system by which married couples are able to offset some of the costs of a very expensive day by everyone contributing a little. Since every couple that gets married gets the same deal, it allows almost anyone to have a reasonably decent wedding without worrying about completely bankrupting yourself.

    Personally I think it's a very practical system. I'd much rather have my guests help pay for our day than get given half a dozen toaster ovens and bunch of kitchenware that I have no room to store.

Page 4 of 10 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •