Some explanation about me in the last few months

[jt_]

Yes, that's probably it. That's because of the obsessive attitude of the Japanese to separate between uchi (Japan) and soto ("foreign countries"), so that no foreigner will ever be treated like a normal person, and that he/she will always be the object of the most naive questioning, that I can't accept. That's not a problem at all for short-term visitors (esp. first timers), but it prevents anyone with a substantial knowledge of Japanese culture and society to be satisfied as a long-term resident. The less you know about Japan, and the more you still have to learn from people, and the more you can enjoy Japan. I believe I have come to a point where I am highly fed-up of being ask 100x the same stereotypical questions over and over again. For me it feels like a formed of "societal nagging" (if you have ever experienced nagging from a woman, you might understand what I mean... ).

(As I said in another thread, I'm going to be taking a break from this forum for a while. I just didn't want to leave this discussion halfway through.)

Maciamo, I have no intention of denying the experiences you've had, or the frustrations you've felt from having people not be able to look beyond your "foreignness" and conduct meaningful conversations/relationships with you as a human being. I think that anyone who has spent any significant period of time in Japan has experienced this sort of narrow-mindedness from time to time (and to varying degrees) and that is natural for a sensitive and intelligent person to feel hurt and/or frustrated by this on some level.

But I'm not sure it helps to speak the sort of absolutes that seem to be contained in the part of your post that I've quoted above (the emphasis is mine). The one line I've underlined, in particular, seems to suggest (please correct me if I'm misrepresenting your words) that any person who is satisfied with their life in Japan could only reach that conclusion due to a lack of true knowledge about Japan. They enjoy Japan more because they understand it less. After all, if they really understood how Japanese society worked, they would see its narrow-minded shallowness for what it is, and inevitably choose as you have chosen. This seems to me to be an unfair assessment of both Japanese society itself and people living in Japan, but perhaps I've misunderstood your position. (I don't think I've misrepresented your words.)

I would agree with one line of your post in the sense that it is probably impossible for a foreigner to expect to be treated normally by 100% of the people they meet 100% of the time. Still, many people come to Japan, meet a not-insignificant number of people who do treat them "normally" (you expressed in a previous post -- correct me if I'm wrong -- that the people who treated you with the decency and respect you were looking for were the exception rather than the rule) build meaningful relationships with them, and manage to live a satisfying life in Japan where the meaningful encounters outnumber (far outnumber?) the negative ones you describe. This has been my experience, and I feel confident in saying that it's probably also been the experience of some of the true long-termers on this forum (I can't count myself among them yet). I can't make any definitive statements, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts as to why this never happened for you.

[Maciamo]

But I'm not sure it helps to speak the sort of absolutes that seem to be contained in the part of your post that I've quoted above (the emphasis is mine). The one line I've underlined, in particular, seems to suggest (please correct me if I'm misrepresenting your words) that any person who is satisfied with their life in Japan could only reach that conclusion due to a lack of true knowledge about Japan. They enjoy Japan more because they understand it less. After all, if they really understood how Japanese society worked, they would see its narrow-minded shallowness for what it is, and inevitably choose as you have chosen.

Hmm... I have to admit that sometimes I get a bit too emotional and exaggerate a bit. Let's say that for me, the more I learned about Japan, and especially about the language, and the less I liked Japan. Other people may very well enjoy their time in Japan, maybe because they have a thicker skin, do not try "to go native", do not expect Japanese people to be less naive and more critical in their way of thing, or other reasons...

You mentioned some "irreconcilable differences" that I may have with Japanese society. I believe that this includes the lack of critical thinking (e.g. the naive or "stupid" questions, or believing everything they were taught at school or by the media, even when it doesn't make sense, like the theory of the farmer vs hunter), hypocrisy (e.g. faking feelings of surprise, esp. women) and lack of general knowledge. The combination of all this made me write the article Common Japanese misconceptions regarding foreigners and foreign countries. It is true not all Japanese are like that. But I feel that such people are so common that it is annoying enough in daily life.

I am pretty sure that some other foreigners in Japan may tolerate some "Japanese misconceptions" better than me. Personally, I don't see how I could still talk without rancour to someone who implies that the Japanese are more civilised than Westerners because their ancestors were farmers while Westerners were hunters. First of all it is racist, but worse than that it is not even true (as I explained here). But how did we arrived to talking about that in the first place, will you ask ? Just from a discussion about blood groups, and everybody knows how the Japanese like asking people about their blood group. They can tell me that they hate my haircut, dressing style or dislike Belgian chocolate - I don't care ! But tell me once this myth about hunters vs farmers, and I won't feel like talking to them again !


I have made an effort to think about all the Japanese people I have met in Japan, and try to assess more equitably the problem. I estimate that in my job as one-to-one (or small group) English teacher, I have met between 250 and 300 people in 4 years. This includes about 100 people that I have only met once or just a few times. The reason is that students can decide after the first lesson whether they take me as their teacher or choose another teacher from that company. Naturally, there are natural personal affinities over which we have no control. I have checked my list of email addresses from ex-students, and I have over 100 of them, although I probably don't have the email of half of the students I have had (trial lessons apart).

Looking at the names, I found 16 whom I cannot criticise for asking "annoying stereotypical questions" and with whom I had a fairly good to very good relationship. 8 of them were serious about studying, and always used a textbook, so that there was little time for free discussion, which could have revealed misconceptions or stereotypes in their mind. But I think they were better than average. Among the other 8, there are 3 which I haven't met for over 2 years, which leaves 5 people with whom I could have interesting discussions and who did not have strange misconceptions about the rest of the world. I could also add 6 people with whom had did have interesting discussions and good relations on the whole, but who did ask very stereotypical questions.

So overall, most of the 250-300 people I have met while teaching were uninteresting and shallow, asked questions or had preconceived beliefs that irritated me, or didn't have a matching personality (or all of them). This is for people who are interested enough in "foreign countries" to take private English (or French or Italian) lessons. Among other people, such as people I have introduced to through my wife, in laws, for work, in shops, or whatever, the percentage of people that "meet my exigencies" (yes, I know I am exigent), is under 1%. In fact, I can hardly think of a single person outside the above-mentioned students, who did not assail me with some of the "misconceptions and prejudices" listed in my article, or who understood what not to say to Westerners. There have been a few, carefully selected people with whom I had a good relationship, but they ended up all coming back to these misconceptions - even those that had studied in a Western country for one year.

So what is the profile of these "better than average people" (the few students I referred above) ? I tried to find what they had in common, but it was difficult. About half are men and half are women. They do very different jobs, come from different parts of Japan, have different interests and hobbies... Some have lived abroad, others have been to Western countries, but some haven't. Their personality is also very different, from very extravertite to more reserved. They were just maybe more "well-thought", consciencious and careful about what they say than average. It's difficult to find common traits. What is sure is that among the hundreds of people I have met, I have found a satisfying relationship only with a dozen people, and stayed in contact with only half of them in the last year.

That's a long explanation, but don't forget that this is only a "fraction" of the reasons that made me leave Japan. Add to this actual discrimination, stress caused by always being looked at strangely or pointed at because I am a foreigner, poor quality housing, typhoons, earthquakes (a major deterrent to buy a house in Japan), bad TV, fascist politicians, racist mayor of Tokyo, bad street manners, too comformist and "brainwashed" society, too impersonal and hypocritical people, etc.

I would agree with one line of your post in the sense that it is probably impossible for a foreigner to expect to be treated normally by 100% of the people they meet 100% of the time.

My impression was more that it is probably impossible for a foreigner to expect to be treated normally even by 5% of the people they meet 100% of the time. That's really too little for me to feel comfortable living in such a country. After 3 weeks back in Europe, it only confirms my feeling that none of the problems I complain about exist for me in Europe. I don't think my wife will have to face similar experiences either (possibly other problems ?).