Have a look at this other testimony in the Japan Times this week : Payments and pain without end

Last week I had a settlement meeting with my wife's lawyer in Tokyo District Court, as I am currently suing her for divorce. I have paid out more than 6 million yen to her over the past 3 1/2 years, yet she wants another 4 million yen. My wife's lawyer has told me that I need his permission to see my kids -- contingent on my paying more money. I have seen for myself that the laws and guarantees of rights in Japan cover Japanese only, even though I have lived here for 13 years and pay taxes just like anybody else.

I wish all other foreigners going through divorce the best of luck. But they shouldn't expect results for years to come. The Japanese legal system is still in prewar mode, and nobody wants to change

I have a marriage contract of separation of money with my wife (not sure how you call it ), but I know it is not recognised legally in Japan as it doesn't exist there. How common is this in countries like the States or anywhere else ? The point of the contract is that each spouse is not financially responsible for the other, and cannot inherit from the death of the other (so if one dies, his patrimony goes back to his blood family (parents, siblings, children...), not to the spouse. If one spouse gets indebted, the other liable for him/her. Finally, it also means that bank accounts are separate and that all possesions preceding the mariage would be returned the the original owner in case of divorce. So if the husband already has a house of his own and the wife has a car, if they divorce, the husband keeps his house and the wife keeps her car. There is no divisio 50-50 of the total of possesions.

Unfortunately, it seems that mariage and money are undividable in Japan. It's incredible to see the number of Japanese women who still hope to find a rich man to get married. It seems to be their first criterium of selection. Most of them (except those who give everything to their carrer and don't caee about marriage and end up single and childless) just want to get married to have children and stop working. Stop working and get money from their husband they hardly ever see. That's all that seems to matter for so many of them.

Marriage doesn't have the same meaning in Japan and Western countries. Japanes get married to procreate. The man should work hard and provide for his family's needs, while the mowan should stay at home and care for the children and the house.

Love isn't important as in the West, and I've been told too many times that the average Japanese woman loses interest in her husband once she has her first child.

That explains why so many young people still have arranged marriages, not even because their family wants it, but because they want it. That also explains the sponsoring of "enjo kosai", usually by men above 40 whose wife has stopped caring about them. It seems to suit everyone. the wife cares about her offsprings and accepts her partner's infidelity as part and parcel of the male condition , the husband then has sex with young and fresh teen girls, who in return get enough money to buy all they ever dreamed about (brand clothes, cosmetics, oversea travel, etc.). Nobody complains in this society as everybody profits from it and no religious or moral rules prevent this kind of behaviour (we are far from puritanism here...).

So be careful with international marriages, as Westerners don't have the same vision of life and wouldn't expect for example that a man never sees his children again once divorced.