How much freedom do you give to your partner ?

[miu]

I had a boyfriend who was so possessive that I ended up losing a lot fo friends because he didn't want me to meet anyone :/ I couldn't even talk with any guy other than ask "what time it is" etc. The things you do for love, huh? I don't want a guy to be a total push-over but the limit just goes somewhere... Live and learn, as they say

In my oppinion jealousy has a lot to do with not trusting the other person. Some people don't even realise how much it can hurt when you act jealous all the time and make the other person seem very untrustworthy when s/he isn't, they just think about themselves. It's funny how the whole jealousy thing can be a two-bladed dagger (if that's the right way to say it): if you're not jealous at all, the other perosn might think you don't care about him/her and if you're too jealous, the other perosn feels like you don't trust him/her at all.

My brother has a theory that when you look at a couple, usually only the husband's friends make up most of their friends. Makes sense evolutionally, doesn't it

[Maciamo]

I had a boyfriend who was so possessive that I ended up losing a lot fo friends because he didn't want me to meet anyone :/ I couldn't even talk with any guy other than ask "what time it is" etc. The things you do for love, huh? I don't want a guy to be a total push-over but the limit just goes somewhere...

In my case, I'd say that my wife wants too much freedom compared to my I find acceptable. As I said I am already jealous to see her dancing with someone else, but I let her do it. The 'problem' is that she is very sociable and is always out meeting people (old school friends, etc.), going to karaoke (which I don't like much), to salsa bars (which I don't like much either), or to hobbies like nail art (no comment), flower arrangement or even computer lessons (like how to use MS Office, instead of asking me).

All this is not so bad, but she sometimes want to spent the whole night out in a nightclub with some friends (knowing I don't like much dancing, although she often pleads me to come along). Or she meet ex-boyfriends once every six months arguing that she wants to keep good relationship with them, eventhough they don't mean anything to her - and there are quite a few of them, especially that she has always lived in Tokyo and we live there now, so I can't even do the same.

So what do you think ? It's in her personality to want to meey people all the time (if not every day, 6x a week ), but that has made me grown jealous, especially the nightclubs and ex-boyfriends thing. But if I tell her not to meet any ex-boyfriend, she criticizes me for restraining of circle of friends. Mind you I even know their names, know in which area they live and have even seen pictures, and some want to meet me (so far I have not wanted to, don't know why). Maybe in Japan it is just normal to continue to meet your ex's 5, or 10 years after you have left them, but I don't want to believe so - that would make it too easy for her. Anyway, I asked other Japanese their opnion and not so many people seem to behave like this.

My brother has a theory that when you look at a couple, usually only the husband's friends make up most of their friends. Makes sense evolutionally, doesn't it

Well, I'd say in Japan (including most of the Japanese couples I know), it is typically the opposite. The husband being busy at work, does not meet many friedns except for the cowokers, but the wife is always meeting friends here and there.