Wedding rings costing 3x a man's salary ?

[Pachipro]

Unfortunately it is true in the US and in Japan. Luckily for me my Japanese wife thought it absurd and never insisted on it and thought it stupid even today. She was happy with the small ring I bought her some 23 years ago and wore it proudly on our 25th anniversary the other night! I think I paid about 200,000 yen at the time which is a lot less than it is today. At that time it was about 1 months salary.

On the other hand there are materialistic women of all cultures who will insist on the "norm" of a few months salary! If that is so important to them then they would not be the type of woman I would desire to marry.

[GodEmperorLeto]

Luckily for me my Japanese wife thought it absurd and never insisted on it and thought it stupid even today.

You have a keeper right there.

3 months salary is considered the "norm," over here as well.

Absolutely. Robbins' Diamonds has a marketing campaign where it shows women in their "oh!"-face (surprise/shock at the size of the diamond).

I'm probably never going to get married. I don't like the idea of shelling out 3 month's salary on a stone that killed 3 peasants in Sierra Leone just to get to some girl's finger. I seem to rarely run into women who believe the same as I do.

The whole engagement-ring tradition goes back to the concept of the dowery and the bride-price. Instead of paying a bride-price, Western men during the last two centuries or so would purchase a diamond ring at three-months' salary to prove they can care for theif fiancee to her father. This dates back to an era when the woman didn't work. In my opinion, now that it is not only socially acceptable and encouragable for women to work, but in some areas downright necessary, I think this is an incredibly outdated custom that proves nothing and favors the woman infinitely over the man.

Indeed, the idea of buying the ring was that it was a material that would not decline in value and could be resold if the woman (or her father) broke the engagement, or did something to justify a divorce.* I doubt you will be able to sell your ring for more than 1/2 of what you paid to get it these days.

As for the Japanese, I have no doubt that they got the custom from the West. It is perfectly logical, too, in a culture that is as patriarchal as traditional Japan. Proving to a father that you earn enough to support his daughter is important in many traditional societies, and the purchase of such a ring is evidence of disposable income. In Japan, it might not be that outdated, though, because women still have a higher tendency to a homemaker's role than in the United States or other Western nations.

*NOTE: We are talking Victorian-era and earlier mentality, here.

[A ke bono kane kotto]

The whole engagement-ring tradition goes back to the concept of the dowery and the bride-price. Instead of paying a bride-price, Western men during the last two centuries or so would purchase a diamond ring at three-months' salary to prove they can care for theif fiancee to her father. This dates back to an era when the woman didn't work. In my opinion, now that it is not only socially acceptable and encouragable for women to work, but in some areas downright necessary, I think this is an incredibly outdated custom that proves nothing and favors the woman infinitely over the man.

Nice theory, but I don't think it's true. My parents or grand-parents, or great-grand-parents never had a diamond ring. Who could afford a diamond ring until the 1960's, except the very rich ? I don't think it is more common now, because many young couples don't even get married these days. It is more of an American phenomenon. That's why it is also common in Japan or South Korea, but not really in Europe. Consumerism has never worked very well in Europe.

[GodEmperorLeto]

Nice theory, but I don't think it's true. My parents or grand-parents, or great-grand-parents never had a diamond ring. Who could afford a diamond ring until the 1960's, except the very rich ?

Many common Western practices originated with the rich. You're right, not everyone could afford these things. Diamond rings were usually purchased by the wealthy as a sort of bride-wealth or proof of financial security.

It is more of an American phenomenon.

I'll give you that point.

[JimmySeal]

The diamond engagement ring did not become the standard it is considered today until after an extensive marketing campaign by De Beers in the middle of the 20th century, which came to include one of the most famous advertising slogans of the 20th century: “A Diamond is Forever”.

When I do eventually buy an engagement ring, I'm fairly sure it will not be a diamond. Diamonds, in particular, carry a history of human exploitation, and are far overpriced due to artificial scarcity. There are plenty of precious stones that are inherently just as valuable as diamonds, without all the baggage.

[maushan3]

You have a keeper right there.
Absolutely. Robbins' Diamonds has a marketing campaign where it shows women in their "oh!"-face (surprise/shock at the size of the diamond).
I'm probably never going to get married. I don't like the idea of shelling out 3 month's salary on a stone that killed 3 peasants in Sierra Leone just to get to some girl's finger. I seem to rarely run into women who believe the same as I do.

I had no idea about this until I read an article on, I believe it was Time, or Newsweek, about message movies.
I had no previous idea that diamonds are a big part of human slavery nowadays and well, I am to young to think about wedding anytime soon but this is an issue that should be brought to light.

The movie is called Blood Diamond with Leonardo Di Caprio and Djimon Honsou. I have not watched it myself but will, to see what judgement I come up about the issue after watching the film.

As for the Japanese, I have no doubt that they got the custom from the West.

Word. Isn't it the same for many things besides the diamond ring?

Mauricio

[MadamePapillon]

Not many Americans have such a tradition. Sounds like movie hype to me. I have not heard of Japanese with such a tradition.

Actually, it's a pretty well known tradition. Not just for wedding rings but family heirlooms in general, Grandmas pearls, Moms wedding dress. I think it might have something to do with that wedding rhyme: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

I think that how it goes

The movie is called Blood Diamond with Leonardo Di Caprio and Djimon Honsou. I have not watched it myself but will, to see what judgement I come up about the issue after watching the film.

It's a good movie, a real eye opener in the sheer amount of blood, death and corruption that happens just so a girl can wear a shiny rock on her finger.

It's sad that people know this but turn a blind eye...nobody wants to know that their precious wedding ring is a Blood Diamond and probably cost someone their life...or their families lives.