For our Japanese readers : Things you should not say to Westerners

[caster51]

You are assuming that a foreigner in Japan cannot live there as if he were "home". Foreigners in Japan, like in any other country, can also buy their house in Japan and be part of society, as opposed to temporary guests or tourists.

I was born and grew up in a different country from where I have lived for half of my life until now. I find it offensive that people would think that I am just a guest after so many years. That is why I sympathise with the OP

A lot of foreigners think it to be a very unpleasant ...
however, most of them will go home sooner or later...
of course, if you have a family in japan and a certain purpose of future in japan, it would be another story.

anyway, these are nice ,,

Japan is different from your home country. Unless you grew up in Japan, you will counter many cultural differences. Some may be pleasant surprises, some might not. When you can't do or get something you're used to, deal with it. That's life here. Beware of the phrase "Where I'm from." Japan is not where you are not where you are from, so don't expect things to be the same. It sounds obvious, but the first time you try to do something you can't do, you will be frustrated. Deal with it, as that's all you can do. The more you try to live like a native, the easier time you'll have. And on that note...

There are a lot of cultural rules. Try to learn them. There are a lot of cultural do's and dont's, and there is a big difference between what is legal and what's socially acceptable. You won't get arrested for drinking beer on the train and loudly talking, but it's rude. Even if you don't care, every time a non-Japanese person makes an *** of themselves, it makes everyone look bad. There are plenty of books on etiquette in Japan, so pick one up or check one out at your library

People will like/dislike you because you're different. Know this. Some people are racist. If you've never dealt with racism, you may very well in Japan. People will treat you differently just because you're not Japanese. Some people will love you just for being a foreigner, some will hate you. There is nothing you can do about it, so just accept it and try to enjoy it when you can.

Don't ask too many questions. It's great to ask questions! It's a great way to learn, but you will find some things that make NO sense. Don't try to figure everything out, because you'll only get frustrated. Sometimes things are the way they are just because that's how they are and that's how they've been for a long time. Accept things the way they are and don't question it. Some answers you will find in time and some you won't. That's life.

HAVE FUN! Japan is a great place to live if you can put up with the downsides and enjoy the ups. Cultural and language barriers can be rough, so can social interactions, as the way people interact is quite different, but that's life. Make your time in Japan the best you can, if it's just a few months, a few years, or life.

http://notjustvisiting.blogspot.com/...&max-results=6

[Skipphead]

Wow. My blog was linked. Thanks for reading.

I thought I'd weigh in on the chopsticks/eating/seasons/etc. comments. I've got some understanding of sociology from studying in America and Japan.

For the "Can eat" thing, it's purely semantics. Saying "can" implies a physical ability. Of course I CAN, but it doesn't mean I WANT TO. Asking "Do you like" is way better. There are food allergy/dietary concerns but that generally isn't why the question is asked. When my friends ask me if I can, I tell them it's not a big deal, but next time it's better to say "do you like?"

For the chopsticks, it does get annoying, but mainly because it's based on previous stereotypes that due to my home country/race I can't do something, which is mildly insulting. Sure, a lot of people can't use chopsticks, but if you live in Japan, it should be assumed you can handle them. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, I simply ask people "Why shouldn't I be able to?" and try to reconstruct their stereotypes.

For the 4 seasons, I say that Northern California does not have 4 distinct seasons, but Boston very much does. I don't feel the need to ask why they think only Japan has 4 seasons, but if someone keeps mentioning it, I will ask them why they believe Japan is unique in this way, which usually goes back to education.

As for over dramatic language compliments, I understand Japanese culture enough to know such compliments are part of society, but the only time I am really puzzled is when people say my Japanese is great when I only speak English to them, which has happened a lot. In reality, there aren't very many foreigners in Japan that are good at Japanese, so it is an appropriate reaction to be surprised.

As far as addressing someone in Japanese and being responded to in English, I am aware that I have an American English accent when I speak Japanese, and it would be naive of me to assume the person I'm talking to didn't pick up on this. It can be frustrating, but I know the people I'm talking to are usually genuinely trying to help. If I don't understand someone's poor English, I find that it's a lot better to ask for clarification in Japanese. The pointing and gestures are rude and Japanese people should be aware of that, but I don't find it bothersome, I just wish Japanese people were aware that it could be considered so.

My girlfriend has had a bit of a similar problem, as she is Japanese, speaks fluent English and dresses much more European than most Japanese women. When with me, I've seen more than once people start talking to her in English. She gets annoyed when it's in business situations like banks and shops, but when it's some guy on the street, she lets them have their fun and pretends she's from Ireland (where she used to study).

As far as being addressed in a public place, it rarely happens to me, but when it does I am a bit surprised. I live in Tokyo, and it's uncommon to randomly talk to a stranger here, so it's outside cultural norms to do such, and the assumption that I'm a foreigner so it's okay is a bit offensive. It's also not rare to see a foreigner here, tourist or otherwise. When I travel outside the Tokyo metropolitan area, I often get someone trying to strike up a conversation. I don't know the cultural rules of small towns, but I assume it's odd to talk to (Japanese) strangers, but I am aware that while traveling, especially with my camera, I look like a tourist because I am one. Does anyone have an opinion on talking to strangers in small towns?

What it all really comes down to is education. Japanese people are not really educated on how to deal with non-Japanese, or often worse, falsely educated due to stereotypes and prejudice. It does no one any good to take offense to often well intended but misguided comments. The best that can be done is whenever someone says something that they shouldn't, try in a friendly or joking manner to correct them and move on with life.

Sorry for the long post, but I found the topic really interesting.

[A ke bono kane kotto]

For the 4 seasons, I say that Northern California does not have 4 distinct seasons, but Boston very much does.

When I read this thread I didn't think about how Americans would answer the 4 season question. As a European I assumed that a country either had 4 seasons or didn't (in the case of tropical countries). But now I realise the irony in the Japanese stereotypes discussed here. On the one hand they frequently assume that a Westerner is American, and on the other they ask these supposed Americans if their country has 4 seasons. How could an American answer that without explaining the huge climatic variations between Alaska and Hawaii. I suppose that 3/4 of US states have 4 seasons, and only the southern ones don't. But the same is true of Japan. Okinawa is as tropical as Florida or Hawaii.

[caster51]

Most Japanese never think there is four season only in Japan as Geographically common sense...
However, The Japanese will answer that there are wonderful four seasons in Japan.
if there are 4 season in your country. too, You only have to answer that there are also in my country.... that is it.

The four seasons for Japanese is neither only a climate, a
temperature nor scenery.
it means how much the season and lifestyle, manners and food etc be close...

BTw, i think Japan has five seasons.
There are 24 seasons in the Japanese calendar .

[A ke bono kane kotto]

The four seasons for Japanese is neither only a climate, a
temperature nor scenery.
it means how much the season and lifestyle, manners and food etc be close...
BTw, i think Japan has five seasons.
There are 24 seasons in the Japanese calendar .

If you think like this, we have countless seasons here too : the hunting season, the foie gras season, the tulip season, the strawberry season, and so on. Food and lifestyle change at least once a month here.

[Skipphead]

A lot of foreigners think it to be a very unpleasant ...
however, most of them will go home sooner or later...
of course, if you have a family in japan and a certain purpose of future in japan, it would be another story.

It is true that most foreigners do leave eventually, but it's rude to assume they will.

Glad you liked my post. Foreigners here may or may not be temporary guests, but they are living in a country with different cultural rules than their home land. I'm sure most people here for the long haul have no problem with that. On the other hand, Japanese people need to take a long look at how they deal with foreigners. Of course, that is not at all unique to Japan, but Japan is the topic here.

[starlitdreams2]

It is true that most foreigners do leave eventually, but it's rude to assume they will.
Glad you liked my post. Foreigners here may or may not be temporary guests, but they are living in a country with different cultural rules than their home land. I'm sure most people here for the long haul have no problem with that. On the other hand, Japanese people need to take a long look at how they deal with foreigners. Of course, that is not at all unique to Japan, but Japan is the topic here.

If more peoples came and stayed in Japan eventually more acceptance of other cultures would develop.... but it has to permeate tv and movies first.

[FrustratedDave]

Making others uncomfortable because they are different in some way is racism. If someone asked YOU if you had a nose job or breast implants, you wouldnt like it, or whatever the male equivalent for this, and you would feel shamed by the inquery alone.

LOL... You must live in a bubble. I don't think there would be a day go by where someone was not made feel unconfortable by a remark or conversation they were in. Let alone someone looking at you the wrong way. I cringe when I think of your mindset in regards to human interaction.

Foreigners deserve respect and consideration and not to be told they should tolerate racism in any form!

They deserve no more respect than a Japanese person. And this is where you are showing your ignorance, most Japanese people will go above and beyond to make a foriegner feel welcome. They will try there best to make conversation wheather it be about food or where you come from, just so you don't feel along or left out. But it looks like you know nothing about Japan or Japanese people from what I have seen so far.

By the way, you are in fantasy land, not I, on this subject. Only 20% of population go light who buy color and 95% of colors sold are black, brown, or red shades. you just notice blondes more. So there is no legitimate reason to ask blondes if they are really blonde or to ask if their hair below matches hair on top. This is sexist and racist.
have you eaten or do you like sushi is fine, can you eat it is not unless you are saying all foreigners are allergic to it or have no teeth to eat it with.

Get a grip, if you can't tell when someone is being sarcastic, pack your toys up and go home now, so I am not going to get into an argument of hair dye. But I did think it would be fun to see what the demographics for hair dye was and your stats are wrong, supprise, supprise. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...g=content;col1

And there is no legitimate reason to ask someone if they like Starbucks coffee is there? I would hate to live in a world where your rules prevailed, communication of any sort would have to be deemed inapropriate b/c saying one thing today my instigate a completely different reaction from the same person tomorrow depending on his or her mood.

And the expression "can you eat something" carrys a completely different connotation when used in Japanese. So give it a rest, most people can't get past their English brains for second to realize that this is just another form of small talk, looks like you are one them too.

No one says :can you go to the bathroom?

Now you are just being stupid.

[Glenski]

A lot of foreigners think it to be a very unpleasant ...
however, most of them will go home sooner or later...

Does anyone else but me see the connection between these two lines of thought?

BTw, i think Japan has five seasons.

Yup, in parts of the USA, too. It's called road repair.

BTw, i think Japan has five seasons.
There are 24 seasons in the Japanese calendar .

More self-contradictory gibberish.
5 vs 24? Pick.

[undrentide]

BTw, i think Japan has five seasons.
There are 24 seasons in the Japanese calendar .

More self-contradictory gibberish.
5 vs 24? Pick.

The first sentence seems to be caster's own idea, and I think caster is referring to 二十四節気 with the second one.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_term
(Actually it originally came from China, so it is not "Japanese calendar", to be precise...)

Sorry, this post is off-topic-ish, and and the above is just an observation, I'm not particularly for or against caster's opinion about the seasons in Japan.

[FrustratedDave]

You are assuming that a foreigner in Japan cannot live there as if he were "home". Foreigners in Japan, like in any other country, can also buy their house in Japan and be part of society, as opposed to temporary guests or tourists.
I was born and grew up in a different country from where I have lived for half of my life until now. I find it offensive that people would think that I am just a guest after so many years. That is why I sympathise with the OP.

No I didn't as I own my house and land here in Japan. And just to clarify the OP had lived here for about 3 years when he made the thread, so yes telling people how to act is arrogant. In the real world people who live here and have equal ability in spoken Japanese as a native will very rarely be asked a lot of these questions. The problem is those with accents or broken Japanese will ultimately be thought of as someone who has lived here for a limited time or was not brought up here. So don't try and shift the blame on to the Japanese for a forienger being treated the way they are.

Do you really have to learn and practise to be able to eat sushi or be used to different seasons ?
Anyway the OP made some point about the way the Japanese should ask their questions and proposed better alternatives. I think that it is praiseworthy. I agree that I would be at a loss if someone asked me if I could eat fish. Can I, if you defy me ? Do I like fish in general ? What fish in particular ? Do I want to eat some now ? I wouldn't know what to think and how to answer such a question.
So how did you answer the questions ? Say, if you have never eaten natto and people asked you if you could eat it, what would you answer ? Well, I suppose that you had better try all kind of foods quickly if you didn't want to answer "I don't know" every time you were asked.

What do you expect? Small talk is in every society and just b/c the small talk of most Japanese does not sit with you well it is nessecary to explain to them about what they should and shouldn't ask. And if you have not tried natto and you haven't you would answer "I haven't eaten it yet, what does it taste like?", or "what is it?".

I am starting to wonder if it would be safe to ask you any questions at all. How would you answer to a question like this "Do you like scuba diving?" If you have not done that how would answer? You point is ridiculus on being asked question you don't know how to anwser, I mean why bother even talking then? Maybe you could like write on your forehead, "Only ask questions that I know the answer too". Or "only talk about stuff I want to talk about".

Everytime you meet new people, you are inevetably going to induce the same line of questioning in most cases.

I haven't lived in Japan, but I would be annoyed if people always asked me the same questions all the time. When I visited the country I was asked such questions by a lot of people I met. It must get tiring after a while. I don't think that is a sensible way to socialise.
Come on, 90% of Westerners come from temperate regions with 4 seasons. If you come from Florida or Arizona you are really the exception rather than the rule. All Europe is temperate.
Do you ask Japanese people what they can eat and can't eat ? I would ask people what are their favourite dishes or what they dislike in general, but not be specific about a dish (let's say spaghetti vongole) and ask everyone I meet if they can eat it.

It is not about what you would or would not ask. What people decide to talk about when small talk is taking place is part of this culture, what I mean is that food and whether is a very big part of this culture so it is only natural that Japanese will want to talk about it, especially to someone from another country.

[starlitdreams2]

No I didn't as I own my house and land here in Japan. And just to clarify the OP had lived here for about 3 years when he made the thread, so yes telling people how to act is arrogant. In the real world people who live here and have equal ability in spoken Japanese as a native will very rarely be asked a lot of these questions. The problem is those with accents or broken Japanese will ultimately be thought of as someone who has lived here for a limited time or was not brought up here. So don't try and shift the blame on to the Japanese for a forienger being treated the way they are.

What do you expect? Small talk is in every society and just b/c the small talk of most Japanese does not sit with you well it is nessecary to explain to them about what they should and shouldn't ask. And if you have not tried natto and you haven't you would answer "I haven't eaten it yet, what does it taste like?", or "what is it?".

I am starting to wonder if it would be safe to ask you any questions at all. How would you answer to a question like this "Do you like scuba diving?" If you have not done that how would answer? You point is ridiculus on being asked question you don't know how to anwser, I mean why bother even talking then? Maybe you could like write on your forehead, "Only ask questions that I know the answer too". Or "only talk about stuff I want to talk about".

Everytime you meet new people, you are inevetably going to induce the same line of questioning in most cases.
It is not about what you would or would not ask. What people decide to talk about when small talk is taking place is part of this culture, what I mean is that food and whether is a very big part of this culture so it is only natural that Japanese will want to talk about it, especially to someone from another country.

in USA, I regularly get asked, especially by stranger men, if my blonde hair is real as opposed to colored. Not only is this overpersonal, rude,and embarassing but no one asks if a brunette's hair is really brown or black although many brunettes have colored hair! This prejudice is upsetting to natural blonde haired teens and women-- as are the blonde jokes. Any questions or jokes that single out "foreigners" are equally rude and embarassing to them, so those questions should be rephrased or stopped. Period. End of story.

[caster51]

The first sentence seems to be caster's own idea, and I think caster is referring to 二十四節気 with the second one.

and,Zassetsu
http://www.nao.ac.jp/koyomi/faq/24sekki.html.en

[Onitsuka ChihiroLove]

Wow...beautiful text. I was long interested in the relationship between respect and politeness. I knew that in Japan there is a lot of politeness, but I didn't know if they really respected foreigners...so I went into google and typed "Japanese respect vs politeness" and somehow I stumbled onto this article. I am very very ignorant about Japanese culture, I have never been to Japan, all I know about Japan is their music and a little bit of the food (at least, I know the version they serve in my country). So yes I started to love Japan because people seemed SO nice and so kind and so considerate of others...but also I heard about how they perceived foreigners, and it broke my heart a little bit...because I am planning to live in Japan and be an architect there (I love Japanese modern architecture)...so I didn't want Japanese to hate me I am 19 years old and I have everything to discover...right now, after reading 5 pages of the threads spread out on 3 years in this forum (wow!), and after reading that text you put up, I think I am totally, fully 100% willing to to go Japan and submit myself to the culture there! I am full-heartedly willing to accept the way they see me as a stranger, to accept the way they treat me and treat each other, and I am totally willing to learn not just to accept, but learn to LOVE the cultural rules and cherish them. As a Lebanese living in Montreal, I will be a foreigner in Japan, and I am willing to accept my place in the Japanese society, not try to obtain a place in society that is not mine. I will contribute to the society in the manner that is suited for me...okay all of this is to say that I am very very excited to meet Japanese society for the first time in my life and of course there are good and bad sides to all nations, but if I want to have my place there, I have to accept and love those aspects. I speak Arabic, French and English and there's a saying in French that says ''Il faut de tout pour faire un monde'' meaning ''It takes some of everything to make the world we live in''...I think this applies to societies also, it takes all kinds of people to make the Japanese society, so let's just accept the rules, the cultural differences, love them, love the people and their ways, and live peacefully together...and as foreigners, WE should comply to THEIR lifestyle and ways of socializing. Not them. Finally , there's a saying that says something like ''We cannot blame others for their ignorance, as ignorance is different from evil.'' It means that if someone hurts you because of their ignorance, don't blame them. Don't hate them. They didn't make it on purpose, their intentions were not evil...indeed ignorance is not evil...we should recognize that.
Sorry for the long post!! I've been reading ALL the posts for HOURS!

[Onitsuka ChihiroLove]

and if a Japanese person asks us if we can eat something, we should not be hurt...it wasn't their intention to hurt us. We should consider the INTENTION of the person...and I am sure if we consider that, we will come to realize that most of the time people have good intentions, even if what they say sounds rude to us. It sounds rude just because of the cultural difference, but that doesn't take away the fact that they have no bad intentions as to hurt us! So let's erase the word ''racism'' from this thread...what we talk about here is ignorance about one another, and cultural gaps...that can all be bridged through conversations. Conversation can solve all the problems discussed in this article I believe. Racism is really out of subject here. Wow I am so excited about going to Japan and applying all that "FrustratedDave", "Ashikaga", "Pipokun", "Caster51", "Skipphead" and so many others expressed in this article. I have really learned so much...thank you all.