For our Japanese readers : Things you should not say to Westerners

[TheKansaiKid]

I think most of the oft repeated questions that grow old come from a desire to make small talk. zatsudan requires something in common and often Japanese who haven't been around foreigners are baffled about what to talk about in social situations.

I'm on the record elsewhere as saying I think many of the complaints listed above that bother foreigners are in no way offensive to me. I think these overly sensitive gaijintachi should relax. Since I brought it up before I won't do it again...oops I already did.

Perhaps a good follow up to the lead post would be appropriate things to talk about in a social or informal situation.

[Maciamo]

I think most of the oft repeated questions that grow old come from a desire to make small talk. zatsudan requires something in common and often Japanese who haven't been around foreigners are baffled about what to talk about in social situations.

It very rarely happens to me not to be able to find a topic of conversation. Remember that there are two aspects about the chopsticks issue :

1) questions about one's ability to use chopsticks
2) compliment on one's ability to use chopsticks

The second one is never out of curiosity and usually not because of a lack of topic for discussion.

In any case, when I was asked the questioned or complimented, it was when we were already discussing other issues and it came as something like "by the way, talking about food, can you use chopsticks". So it was often already part of small talks, and often in an already 'lively' conversation (not an awkward situation where one doesn't know what to talk about).

I know it feels insistent on me to repeat this, but I really can't understand what this obsession with the gaijin's abilities to do banal things (chopsticks, futon...) is about. From my experience, after being asked these questions maybe between 50 and 100 times, I can say that most of the time it was not to break the ice, not to make small talks, mostly out of the blue, and the questioners' reaction was typically a great surprise when I told them that yes I could use chopsticks like everybody.

This surprise at the fact that I could use chopsticks (after answering the question, or when they see me using chopsticks) has made me wondered over the years why they attach so much importance to so such an ordinary thing - while they are not surprised that I can use a bicycle, open a window, switch on a TV, etc. Unfortunately, this was combined with the same disproportionate surprise at the fact that, in spite of being a gaijin, I can eat sushi (yes, even unagi, ikura and kai), sleep on a futon, that my country has 4 seasons, etc.

From the sushi and natto questions, I have understood that often they ask these questions because many Japanese do not like them. I could understand that some people may not feel comfortable sleeping on a futon or sitting in seiza. I don't mind these questions so much.

I have recently inquried toward a few Japanese friends, and some of my wife's friends, about the four season issue. I explained to my wife why I feel irritated at this question, and she also knows that most Western countries have four seasons. So we discussed, me, her, and two friends about it a few days ago, and the three of them admitted that they were taught at school that only Japan had four seasons. A few people have contested this on this forum, saying that children are taught that most countries around the world do not have as distinct seasons as Japan. However, my wife and our two friends were sure that, in their case, they were not told that Japan has more distinct seasons, but that only Japan had four season and that's it. I asked whether they were taught that in geography class, but the three of them said it was in "kokugo" (Japanese language) class sometime in the early years of primary/elementary school (they also said "chichai koro kara iwareteiru" => "we were told this since we were little"). All three went to different schools, by the way.

This has helped me confirmed what I had already asked dozens of people with whom I was less intimate. Japanese people (at least those I have asked) are taught at school that only Japan has four seasons. I admit that the people I questioned were almost only in their 20's and 30's, so it might have been different for older or younger generations.

The same can be said about blood groups. From my inquiries, the Japanese are taught that they are mostly "A", why Westerners are mostly "O" (partially true, but a gross overgeneralisation as there are as many "O" as "A" in Western European countries). What is more annoying is that they are also taught (from my personal surveys) that these differences exist because the Japanese were farmers in "old times", while Europeans were hunters. As I explained here, it is a blatant lie and completely wrong historically. I was shocked to see that even well-read, intelligent people having studied abroad believe in this, because they have never questioned it since the school days.

Knowing this, we could wonder why they are taught such blatant lies as part of the national education system - not in one school, but apparently most if not all of them.

That is where it dawned on me that it could be some sort of nationalistic propaganda known as "nihonjinron". I have explained this here

I may be one of the few foreigners sensitive enough to feel that Japanese were indoctrinated to believe that foreigners can't do this and that, that only Japan has for seasons, etc. I may be one of the rare persons to take this seriously, but I believe that I am right to think that we are dealing with nation-wide indoctrination based on the "nihonjinron". Japanese people of course do not realise that, and few foreigners have the necessary knowledge of Japanese culture, world history/geography, and psychology of education. I happen to be extremely interested in all these fields, and have the adequate experience of living in Japan for a few years, meeting lots of people. Other people in the same situation as me (as rare as they may be), may lack the sharp critical sense and questioning of the causes and reasons why things are the way they are. People who have spent some time on this forum will know that I am sometimes (often?) overcritical and analytic of things I take at heart.

I may sound absurd to argue about "chopsticks". But people need to see the big picture. I know it's difficult for someone who hasn't experienced all these weird questions, or hasn't given it a second thought. Maybe it is time for all of you to pay attention to the people who ask you the chopsticks, blood group, 4 seasons or sushi questions. Try to feel how they feel. Try to see through their mind, guess their thoughts, and even better, ask them why they ask these questions, see their reaction and hope they explain their preconceptions. If they don't, ask them whether they think that your country has four season or not. Ask them what they were taught at school. Ask them why it is surprising that a Westerner living in Japan can use chopsticks. Ask them about their blood group and hope they tell you about the "farmer" vs "hunter" theory they were taught. Do it with as many people as you can, then give me your feedbacks here and let's compare the results.

Please understand that I do not blame the Japanese who ask these questions or hold these beliefs. I blame the people who taught them, and ultimately the Ministry of Education that ordered/advised the teachers to tell those lies or inculcate those misconceptions.

[kellymich]

It very rarely happens to me not to be able to find a topic of conversation. Remember that there are two aspects about the chopsticks issue :
1) questions about one's ability to use chopsticks
2) compliment on one's ability to use chopsticks
The second one is never out of curiosity and usually not because of a lack of topic for discussion.
In any case, when I was asked the questioned or complimented, it was when we were already discussing other issues and it came as something like "by the way, talking about food, can you use chopsticks". So it was often already part of small talks, and often in an already 'lively' conversation (not an awkward situation where one doesn't know what to talk about).
I know it feels insistent on me to repeat this, but I really can't understand what this obsession with the gaijin's abilities to do banal things (chopsticks, futon...) is about. From my experience, after being asked these questions maybe between 50 and 100 times, I can say that most of the time it was not to break the ice, not to make small talks, mostly out of the blue, and the questioners' reaction was typically a great surprise when I told them that yes I could use chopsticks like everybody.
This surprise at the fact that I could use chopsticks (after answering the question, or when they see me using chopsticks) has made me wondered over the years why they attach so much importance to so such an ordinary thing - while they are not surprised that I can use a bicycle, open a window, switch on a TV, etc. Unfortunately, this was combined with the same disproportionate surprise at the fact that, in spite of being a gaijin, I can eat sushi (yes, even unagi, ikura and kai), sleep on a futon, that my country has 4 seasons, etc.
From the sushi and natto questions, I have understood that often they ask these questions because many Japanese do not like them. I could understand that some people may not feel comfortable sleeping on a futon or sitting in seiza. I don't mind these questions so much.
I have recently inquried toward a few Japanese friends, and some of my wife's friends, about the four season issue. I explained to my wife why I feel irritated at this question, and she also knows that most Western countries have four seasons. So we discussed, me, her, and two friends about it a few days ago, and the three of them admitted that they were taught at school that only Japan had four seasons. A few people have contested this on this forum, saying that children are taught that most countries around the world do not have as distinct seasons as Japan. However, my wife and our two friends were sure that, in their case, they were not told that Japan has more distinct seasons, but that only Japan had four season and that's it. I asked whether they were taught that in geography class, but the three of them said it was in "kokugo" (Japanese language) class sometime in the early years of primary/elementary school (they also said "chichai koro kara iwareteiru" => "we were told this since we were little"). All three went to different schools, by the way.
This has helped me confirmed what I had already asked dozens of people with whom I was less intimate. Japanese people (at least those I have asked) are taught at school that only Japan has four seasons. I admit that the people I questioned were almost only in their 20's and 30's, so it might have been different for older or younger generations.
The same can be said about blood groups. From my inquiries, the Japanese are taught that they are mostly "A", why Westerners are mostly "O" (partially true, but a gross overgeneralisation as there are as many "O" as "A" in Western European countries). What is more annoying is that they are also taught (from my personal surveys) that these differences exist because the Japanese were farmers in "old times", while Europeans were hunters. As I explained here[/url], it is a blatant lie and completely wrong historically. I was shocked to see that even well-read, intelligent people having studied abroad believe in this, because they have never questioned it since the school days.
Knowing this, we could wonder why they are taught such blatant lies as part of the national education system - not in one school, but apparently most if not all of them.
That is where it dawned on me that it could be some sort of nationalistic propaganda known as "nihonjinron". I have explained this
I may be one of the few foreigners sensitive enough to feel that Japanese were indoctrinated to believe that foreigners can't do this and that, that only Japan has for seasons, etc. I may be one of the rare persons to take this seriously, but I believe that I am right to think that we are dealing with nation-wide indoctrination based on the "nihonjinron". Japanese people of course do not realise that, and few foreigners have the necessary knowledge of Japanese culture, world history/geography, and psychology of education. I happen to be extremely interested in all these fields, and have the adequate experience of living in Japan for a few years, meeting lots of people. Other people in the same situation as me (as rare as they may be), may lack the sharp critical sense and questioning of the causes and reasons why things are the way they are. People who have spent some time on this forum will know that I am sometimes (often?) overcritical and analytic of things I take at heart.
I may sound absurd to argue about "chopsticks". But people need to see the big picture. I know it's difficult for someone who hasn't experienced all these weird questions, or hasn't given it a second thought. Maybe it is time for all of you to pay attention to the people who ask you the chopsticks, blood group, 4 seasons or sushi questions. Try to feel how they feel. Try to see through their mind, guess their thoughts, and even better, ask them why they ask these questions, see their reaction and hope they explain their preconceptions. If they don't, ask them whether they think that your country has four season or not. Ask them what they were taught at school. Ask them why it is surprising that a Westerner living in Japan can use chopsticks. Ask them about their blood group and hope they tell you about the "farmer" vs "hunter" theory they were taught. Do it with as many people as you can, then give me your feedbacks here and let's compare the results.
Please understand that I do not blame the Japanese who ask these questions or hold these beliefs. I blame the people who taught them, and ultimately the Ministry of Education that ordered/advised the teachers to tell those lies or inculcate those misconceptions.

I think you should lighten up a little macomo and not try to impose your values on the japanese.

Japan is not multicultural new york - thank goodness. They have a culture that goes back 1000's of years. And yes, it is a very insular culture in many ways.

I find that with good humor, self respect and respect for others values most problems of being a foreigner can be overcome. But we will always be foreigners, to some extent. If you haven't found many japanese friends while you are living in japan then the problem may consist with you more than with the japanese. The japanese will accept foreigners as friends, but only some foreigners.

The kind of nitpicking criticisms that you have or your role as a "social reformer" and know it all westerner wont go over very well. Why not try to accept the japanese people for what they are and learn about them ... they are a facinating and subtle people. I do sympathize with you though, it can be hard to be a foreigner in japan. Some people are not cut out for it and I don't mean this in a demeaning way... It does require skill, self confidence and sometimes a thick skin.

But in my opinion, you are letting petty and small things upset you too much and you are influenced by too many 20 and 21st century western value judgements which may be ruining your time in japan.

I'd take living in japan as a foreigner any day, over a place like new york. But that is me. I have come to appreciate the japanese people and way of life, including some of their foibles and predjudices...there is a wisdom to the japanese which goes deeper than the americans which could only have come from a unified people and centuries of traditions and culture. I don't feel it is my place to judge them especially considering the horrendous condition of my own culture and country in america, in the 21st century.