Mrs. Azuma, I understand your frustration regarding your husband's family members not addressing you directly. Although I agree with FrustratedDave about his family not being used to dealing with non-Japanese or just being shy, I really think your husband should say something to them, or at least give you a better explanation why especially when he knows his wife is annoyed and offended by their actions. There was another thread talking about this very issue (Japanese people not addressing foreigners directly when they are accompanied by Japanese) and it seems like a common behavior among some Japanese people.

Another thing is, some Japanese families, especially old, traditional ones tend to take their time warming up to ANY newcomers to their family no matter if they are foreigners or Japanese. It has to be one of the biggest complaints Japanese wives have about their marriages : not being accepted/approved by their families in law. I really hope by moving to Japan, getting to know your new family better and having them do the same about you, you will have a better relationship/understanding about each other. I just want you to know not every Japanese families are like that and older folks tend to take longer to warm up to someone who is very different from them. Having said that, I don't think you should "keep quiet" about how you feel. I believe it is very important for your husband's family to know how their actions (intended or not) make you feel. The question is how to go about it.

Now, about the Japanese tourists abroad.... I guess you could say the same thing about tourists from many different countries. It has a lot to do with the fact they are traveling in groups (and Japanese tourists tend to do that a lot), I think. Poeple in groups tend to do things that they would not do individually, no?

Lastly, what does all this have to do with Japanese being hypocritical with foreigners?