A relationship thread again. My question is "would you stay with someone you love whatever the circumstances ?" (please choose all the applicable situations)
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A relationship thread again. My question is "would you stay with someone you love whatever the circumstances ?" (please choose all the applicable situations)
Maciamo, I just love your polls.
Anyway, this is a tough one. Really, I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. Speaking for myself, though, I would have to say I draw the line at all of those except for maybe the "he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time" and possibly the "he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to you [or opposite sex for those already in homosexual relationship]". I have personal reasons for both of those, but don't feel like getting into that now.
I think in general, though, it depends on what your boundaries are as a couple. As a couple, you should have set boundaries(some are more open than others, of course), and if those boundaries are crossed, there should be consequences. If there aren't consequences, people's self-respect and self-esteem get damaged, and that's not good.
I've been on the receiving end and the giving end of all of these situations. In fact, I think I might have done more of these things than had them done to me, which is kind of hard to admit. :worried:
Dang I'm too young for this XD
Yeah, if there's any doubt about the extent of your liking or loving, unfortunately there's no such dichotomy in real life, how much you're willing to hurt them should be a pretty good test. The Japanese way of trying to keep things under wraps while letting your feelings dictate the proper course rather than talking it out and setting explicit boundaries ahead of time is a good approach, though, in my opinion.Quote:
I think in general, though, it depends on what your boundaries are as a couple. As a couple, you should have set boundaries(some are more open than others, of course), and if those boundaries are crossed, there should be consequences. If there aren't consequences, people's self-respect and self-esteem get damaged, and that's not good.
I definately would have to say this for me depends all upon the person, the circumstances and what exactly happened. As I am lienent, also it would have to be what the "terms" of the relationship were.
For me nothing can do.....My ex screwed me....eventhough I've given her a second chance....so I don't take her back ever again... :souka:
I think most of us all have that problem in life.
I say this because I think it's possible to love someone and hate them at the same time. I know I have.
I'm going to kick myself for making this reference, but it's kinda like Kill Bill 2...........
There are few reasons to stay in a relationship. One, equal basis on the sex. Two, financial situation. Three, immagration situations. Four, love.
Anything in the criteria originally posted, are all things to end the relationship. I mean be real, staying with someone who has no feeling for yourself? Talk about wastes of time. Cheating? I have no sympathy for that. They love me AND someone else? I have one thing to say to that. Bags will be packed and on the lawn by midday.
I have little patience for such foolery, like cheating, emotionlessness, and other things that are factors in relationships sometimes. More people need to take relationship classes, because its no surprise that a lot of people in relationships dont belong in them, and have no idear what they are doing.
Instead of cheated as a catch-all option how about one of the most common scenarios : He/she tells you they love you but continues an affair/staying married to someone they supposedly just like. :(
Elizabeth, I have seen that situation plenty! I have friends all the time who come up and ask about your exact problem.
Well...that's something I could comment on...but...
Or some variation on it. I'd have to be totally clear on the other relationship to think of staying in a case exactly like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by playaa
I would rather have my girl sleeping with another man and thinking about me ,not the vice versa.
Yeah. Things can get complicated and that can happen even when the girl really doesn't want it(sleeping with someone else) to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dream Time
That's why things really need to be taken on situation by situation basis.
I don't get it...why sleeping with another man if that's not what she wants? :?Quote:
Originally Posted by kirei_na_me
You people should consider the consquences of staying with someone who cheats.
Cheaters dont cheat once. They tend to cheat repeatedly. You may forgive one instance, but not know about the 12 others. Oh, but believe me, you'll know it when you wake up one morning and find a disgusting rash on your genitalia.
Yeah, any rationalization and hypocricy like that can only create distance between you. Best to keep things as simple and pure as possible. :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamer
cheating is a deal breaker. period. the end.
if it's meant to be love between two people, then no excuse for cheating will suffice. seeya, out the door you go.
i dont think love comes in to play in a sexual friends relationship or at least it shouldn't. people who choose to upgrade a relationship like that should really think about it first.
Hmmmm...Tough one Maciamo.
Over all I think I would have to deal with it on a case by case basis, life simply isn't black and white no matter how much we want it to be.
The one exception to this would be if my partner needed something that I couldn't give them. As a bi transexual my life is one big shade of gray, if my partner male or female needed a sexual element I couldn't give them. Then I would have to let them find it else where, its not an easy thing to admit or deal with but when I love some one I want them to be happy. I don't want them to feel chained to me or to keep them from feeling fulfilled.
I am an unforgiving person, my imaginary lover shall be tortured for 72 hours and then left to die a slow slow death. :balloon:
:souka:
Case by Case it would really depend on the person whether they stayed in love or not. But for me i look way down on cheating or whateva when you say you love that person. I mean when you even say the word *Love* it's like that person is number one, you think about them, wanna do stuff togeather, fullfill each other to the tippy top of the heart :haihai:
But if you have to find fullfillment somewhere else then... :p you get my drift.
I tried love....
It kicked me in the *** each time so i'm like snoop now.
"Love is blind, and no friend of mine...."
:okashii:
Lol why bringing back this topic again? ^^'
I think love's only an illusion, the real thing acting behind is your pheromons
juz like your emotions depends on your hormons...
Anyway I'm the kind to forgive really quickly even if it hurt me badly...it's just that...a changed relationship is changed forever ...so I'd stay with the person who cheated on me but only as a friend :-)
[Points to AvA]
What happened to the cute squinty eye'd kitty!!!!! :? :(
it's back tot he old avy! ^^ (yay! no kitty! j/k)
hmm... I don't think I'd stay with that person... maybe we'll just be good friends... ^^
Lol the kitty left :DQuote:
Originally Posted by EscaFlowne
-Dies-
man i miss that cat....
:P
I think that all answers depend on something not covered in the poll explicitly - that is, the underlying expectations that you have regarding the relationship with the one you love.
I had an ex from university with whom I had a polyamorous relationship. I knew he was capable of loving others (men and women; he was bi) and that his appreciation for each partner he had wasn't affected by the others that he dated. I cared about him too, but not with any expectations of wanting to become monogamously committed to him. I also didn't go around dating others while we were together - but I knew I was free to, and that if I grew attracted to someone else, I was welcome to pursue that. And we were each other's sounding boards about the people we were friends or lovers with. I still consider this to have been an enlightened and maybe even idealistic situation that was only possible because of the stage of life I was at, and due to his family background (his parents had an open and functional, supportive marriage).
Now, what I have with my husband is far more conventional. We have built our marriage on monogamous commitment and trust. We aren't opening ourselves to the possibility of falling in love with others without that becoming a significant issue to discuss and work through in our relationship.
So clearly, the two sets of responses I'd choose in this poll differ vastly depending on whom I'm thinking about.
I picked if she hated you. In some cases if you love hates you it is not out of hatetrid.
It is one of thoes Love/Hate things. But then agin every case is different. You have to go by the relationship
i wouldn't mind the additional homosexual relationship..
..but only if i get to watch! XDDD
......im such a hentai...
My two cents:
1. My dad left my mom for a younger woman when I was about 8. Since then I've made a solumn vow never to cheat on any girl willing to take a chance with me, and so far I've stuck to my vow. I will be better or worse than my father; I will not be like him.
2. I'd prefer to be with someone that loved me and only me. Simpler on my nerves.
I ticked 'it depends on the situation and person'. I'm hardly a relationship veteran so I guess I don't know how I would react if any of those things happened. I'm pretty forgiving, but how forgiving I'd be in a relationship I don't really know...
I am a very understanding person this one girl i was with had cheated on me, had sex with someone else, loved that other person and me as well, loved and had relations with a member of the same sex, And I allowed these things to go on beacuse i loved her and her happiness was the only thing that mattered to me. But when the time came when we did go our seprate ways it was not beacuse of the lack of love it was beacause of her parents. They found out her and I did some stuff together and instead of seeing it as it took 2 to do the act they thought their baby girl could do no wrong so they told her to break up with me she still loves me she tells me from time to time but if I ever had the chance to go back with her i would have to turn her down she put me through way too much indignation for me to ever take her back. And the funny thing is she never even knew she was doing it beacuse she was too wraped up in herself and what i could give her instead of trying to have a relationship where both members are contributing. But like i said i am very understanding and very flexible when it comes to relationships one time i even had this relationship where me and the girl were together but we were seeing other people as well.....well she was I was loyal to her (the way I treat my signifigant others is second to none.... or so i like to think :-) ).
I guess it would really depend on a lot of things. My knee-jerk reaction would be to end it there, but it would really take a lot of thought and contemplating on both sides I think. You really just have to take each situation one at a time.
I think so of these would depend on circumstances, but it s hard to forgive somebody if they cheat on you...and I don't understand why someone would be going out with someone who doesn't care about them in the first place... I definetly would be understanding if they loved someone else even if it were of the same sex...it would hurt, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy even if its not with you..that's my opinion...
Yea well I kind of am currently going through a situation as mentioned in the poll. Its hard. Really hard. Been cheated on yet I will still be with him. It's like he is possesed because he bacame a different person at least around the other girl. There are so many lies in the situation and i even think the girl is lying about alot of things. When I think about all that me and him have been through I would take him back without a doubt. Right now he is in his home country. Before he left he chose the other girl over me. There is sooo much more to this situation but I know he still loves me. Yes I may be the fool for still loving him and hoping it works out when he comes back. I rather just think he was possessed hey always a possibility or had a different personality. Im just a stand by your man kind of girl no matter what. (sigh)
:souka:
Though an act such as your is commendable, you shouldn't call yourself a fool. Plenty of people have done such the same thing. Though you should ask yourself, "If you know he really loves you would he had picked the othe girl?" Sometimes something you want so bad may not be the thing you need. Love is based on respect and honesty for the other person, if he disregards it then...just think about it. Everyone deserves to be happy. And besides i don't know the full facts.
:balloon:
I believe in our love and what we once had. These days sooo many people cheat its ridiculous. What hope is there left in this world. And all the good guys are not my type. I think I would stay with him no matter what. I rather be alone if me and him dont work it out i would rather be myself for the rest of my life unless gackt comes and ask me to marry him.
I'm into the 'forgive and forget' mentality. Someone cheats on me, I forgive them, then forget about them.
Makes life easy.
I'm more or less with winter. :balloon: