Japanese jokes

I've just found this link, as we are in the jokes : http://www.asianjoke.com/japanese/

It's Asian jokes only, categorised by country or even Asian (famous) girls.

Some are real rubbish (I always have hard finding funny jokes :bawling: ).

Here are the only few passable :

"Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal."

Not a big laugh, but the pun was well constructed.

"There was once a Japanese businessman who was engaged in a particular corporate meeting held in a particular business district in the Philippines. As he stepped out of the airport, he hailed the local cab, board it and requested his destination to be Manila Hotel. As the cab was attempting to make its way out to the main road, a ramming and screeching sound was heard. Out passed a Honda Civic CRX Turbo screaming away from the main junction. The Japanese remarked. "Mmmm, Honda! Made in Japan, verri powerful. verri faast!!" Some distance, a white executive sedan whoosh pass along side the cab a high cruising speed. "Ahhh, Toyota! Also made in Japan, verri fasto. Also verri good!, very faast" The cab-driver upon hearing the comments, look thru the rear mirror and was quite resented over the Jap's proud attitude. At that moment again, another car came ramming fast, overtaking and cutting every car ahead of it. "Mmmm, Mitsubishi! Also Japan, also verri good, very fast. Mmmm!"

It was not long after reaching the designated hotel, the cab halted in front of the lobby door, the cab-driver stared at the meter and proclaimed. "That will be US$239.40, sir!"

"Nan desu-ka! What?", the Jap was astonished. "The airport verrinear to hotel.

"Er, sir, this meter is NEC, made in Japan, very good and 'very faast'. :sick: :p "

A classic.


I am going to read the rest and post them separately when they are good enough.

If you are into haiku, you'll like that one :

In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

After nights of frustrating attempts of trying to seduce his wife, the Japanese man finally made a proposition to his wife.

"If you want to have sex with me, let me know by pulling on my penis one time."

"If you are not in the mood and do not want to have sex with me, let me know by pulling on my penis 100 times!":silly:

This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their quality standards.

They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.":victory: :eek:

Sorry this one is not really Japanese, but it made me laugh more than any others :

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"?

Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "******* Japanese."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back sighed, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

You really picked the "raisins". I came across this page searching for J-jokes a while ago, I hope Yair views this thread.
:)

What about this one :

Best read with a Japanese accent: Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling, "You sign, you sign!"

The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door.

The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!"

Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again insisting that the president sign for the goods. Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong person."

Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks, "Ah soh. You not Nissan Maindealer?" :D

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up.

The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.

The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!"

The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The third Samurai smiled, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised!

Hilarious !:D

I've read the Mandela and fly ones before. But Student one was just hillarious.

:D

How do you say 'sidewalk' in Japanese?

hodou.

naruhodou!

ugh, tsumetai (cold) dajare (pun) time.

....

I'm sorry Hige-sori Mori-Sori.
= I'm sorry, beard shaver, Prime Minister Mori.

The I'm sorry, Mori-Sori refers back to the time when he was making all kinds of blunders in public.

Wow. Those windows Haikus were hillarous! I need to find a use for them...

Luxpyre you a mac user?

hahaha,, there are great jokes,lol, how I'v missed all of these before I just dont know:clap: :D

No, no, not since middle school. Those Haikus would just give all those windows failures that certain something that makes them just right. That certain je ne sais quoi.

ahh, yes, that's true.

I'm a mac guy ;)

:)

Japanese Joke:

Gov. Ishihara