Would you stay with such a lover ?

[Maciamo]

A relationship thread again. My question is "would you stay with someone you love whatever the circumstances ?" (please choose all the applicable situations)

[kirei_na_me]

Maciamo, I just love your polls.

Anyway, this is a tough one. Really, I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. Speaking for myself, though, I would have to say I draw the line at all of those except for maybe the "he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time" and possibly the "he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to you [or opposite sex for those already in homosexual relationship]". I have personal reasons for both of those, but don't feel like getting into that now.

I think in general, though, it depends on what your boundaries are as a couple. As a couple, you should have set boundaries(some are more open than others, of course), and if those boundaries are crossed, there should be consequences. If there aren't consequences, people's self-respect and self-esteem get damaged, and that's not good.

I've been on the receiving end and the giving end of all of these situations. In fact, I think I might have done more of these things than had them done to me, which is kind of hard to admit. :worried:

[dreamer]

Dang I'm too young for this XD

[Elizabeth]

I think in general, though, it depends on what your boundaries are as a couple. As a couple, you should have set boundaries(some are more open than others, of course), and if those boundaries are crossed, there should be consequences. If there aren't consequences, people's self-respect and self-esteem get damaged, and that's not good.
Yeah, if there's any doubt about the extent of your liking or loving, unfortunately there's no such dichotomy in real life, how much you're willing to hurt them should be a pretty good test. The Japanese way of trying to keep things under wraps while letting your feelings dictate the proper course rather than talking it out and setting explicit boundaries ahead of time is a good approach, though, in my opinion.

[playaa]

I definately would have to say this for me depends all upon the person, the circumstances and what exactly happened. As I am lienent, also it would have to be what the "terms" of the relationship were.

[RockLee]

For me nothing can do.....My ex screwed me....eventhough I've given her a second chance....so I don't take her back ever again... :souka:

[playaa]

I think most of us all have that problem in life.

[mad pierrot]

I say this because I think it's possible to love someone and hate them at the same time. I know I have.

I'm going to kick myself for making this reference, but it's kinda like Kill Bill 2...........

[Winter]

There are few reasons to stay in a relationship. One, equal basis on the sex. Two, financial situation. Three, immagration situations. Four, love.

Anything in the criteria originally posted, are all things to end the relationship. I mean be real, staying with someone who has no feeling for yourself? Talk about wastes of time. Cheating? I have no sympathy for that. They love me AND someone else? I have one thing to say to that. Bags will be packed and on the lawn by midday.

I have little patience for such foolery, like cheating, emotionlessness, and other things that are factors in relationships sometimes. More people need to take relationship classes, because its no surprise that a lot of people in relationships dont belong in them, and have no idear what they are doing.

[Elizabeth]

Instead of cheated as a catch-all option how about one of the most common scenarios : He/she tells you they love you but continues an affair/staying married to someone they supposedly just like. :(

[playaa]

Elizabeth, I have seen that situation plenty! I have friends all the time who come up and ask about your exact problem.

[kirei_na_me]

Well...that's something I could comment on...but...

[Elizabeth]

Elizabeth, I have seen that situation plenty! I have friends all the time who come up and ask about your exact problem.
Or some variation on it. I'd have to be totally clear on the other relationship to think of staying in a case exactly like that.

[Dream Time]

I would rather have my girl sleeping with another man and thinking about me ,not the vice versa.

[kirei_na_me]

I would rather have my girl sleeping with another man and thinking about me ,not the vice versa.

Yeah. Things can get complicated and that can happen even when the girl really doesn't want it(sleeping with someone else) to.

That's why things really need to be taken on situation by situation basis.

[dreamer]

Yeah. Things can get complicated and that can happen even when the girl really doesn't want it(sleeping with someone else) to.

That's why things really need to be taken on situation by situation basis.
I don't get it...why sleeping with another man if that's not what she wants? :?

[Winter]

You people should consider the consquences of staying with someone who cheats.

Cheaters dont cheat once. They tend to cheat repeatedly. You may forgive one instance, but not know about the 12 others. Oh, but believe me, you'll know it when you wake up one morning and find a disgusting rash on your genitalia.

[Elizabeth]

I don't get it...why sleeping with another man if that's not what she wants? :?
Yeah, any rationalization and hypocricy like that can only create distance between you. Best to keep things as simple and pure as possible. :eek:

[jeisan]

cheating is a deal breaker. period. the end.
if it's meant to be love between two people, then no excuse for cheating will suffice. seeya, out the door you go.
i dont think love comes in to play in a sexual friends relationship or at least it shouldn't. people who choose to upgrade a relationship like that should really think about it first.

[Rachel]

Hmmmm...Tough one Maciamo.
Over all I think I would have to deal with it on a case by case basis, life simply isn't black and white no matter how much we want it to be.

The one exception to this would be if my partner needed something that I couldn't give them. As a bi transexual my life is one big shade of gray, if my partner male or female needed a sexual element I couldn't give them. Then I would have to let them find it else where, its not an easy thing to admit or deal with but when I love some one I want them to be happy. I don't want them to feel chained to me or to keep them from feeling fulfilled.

[Gaki]

I am an unforgiving person, my imaginary lover shall be tortured for 72 hours and then left to die a slow slow death. :balloon:

[EscaFlowne]

:souka:
Case by Case it would really depend on the person whether they stayed in love or not. But for me i look way down on cheating or whateva when you say you love that person. I mean when you even say the word *Love* it's like that person is number one, you think about them, wanna do stuff togeather, fullfill each other to the tippy top of the heart :haihai:
But if you have to find fullfillment somewhere else then... :p you get my drift.

I tried love....
It kicked me in the *** each time so i'm like snoop now.
"Love is blind, and no friend of mine...."
:okashii:

[dreamer]

Lol why bringing back this topic again? ^^'
I think love's only an illusion, the real thing acting behind is your pheromons
juz like your emotions depends on your hormons...
Anyway I'm the kind to forgive really quickly even if it hurt me badly...it's just that...a changed relationship is changed forever ...so I'd stay with the person who cheated on me but only as a friend :-)

[EscaFlowne]

[Points to AvA]

What happened to the cute squinty eye'd kitty!!!!! :? :(

[Mayura]

it's back tot he old avy! ^^ (yay! no kitty! j/k)

hmm... I don't think I'd stay with that person... maybe we'll just be good friends... ^^

[dreamer]

[Points to AvA]

What happened to the cute squinty eye'd kitty!!!!! :? :(
Lol the kitty left :D

[EscaFlowne]

-Dies-
man i miss that cat....
:P

[nekosasori]

I think that all answers depend on something not covered in the poll explicitly - that is, the underlying expectations that you have regarding the relationship with the one you love.

I had an ex from university with whom I had a polyamorous relationship. I knew he was capable of loving others (men and women; he was bi) and that his appreciation for each partner he had wasn't affected by the others that he dated. I cared about him too, but not with any expectations of wanting to become monogamously committed to him. I also didn't go around dating others while we were together - but I knew I was free to, and that if I grew attracted to someone else, I was welcome to pursue that. And we were each other's sounding boards about the people we were friends or lovers with. I still consider this to have been an enlightened and maybe even idealistic situation that was only possible because of the stage of life I was at, and due to his family background (his parents had an open and functional, supportive marriage).

Now, what I have with my husband is far more conventional. We have built our marriage on monogamous commitment and trust. We aren't opening ourselves to the possibility of falling in love with others without that becoming a significant issue to discuss and work through in our relationship.

So clearly, the two sets of responses I'd choose in this poll differ vastly depending on whom I'm thinking about.

[Wakaranai]

I picked if she hated you. In some cases if you love hates you it is not out of hatetrid.
It is one of thoes Love/Hate things. But then agin every case is different. You have to go by the relationship

[necrozombie]

i wouldn't mind the additional homosexual relationship..

..but only if i get to watch! XDDD

......im such a hentai...

[Xkavar]

My two cents:

1. My dad left my mom for a younger woman when I was about 8. Since then I've made a solumn vow never to cheat on any girl willing to take a chance with me, and so far I've stuck to my vow. I will be better or worse than my father; I will not be like him.

2. I'd prefer to be with someone that loved me and only me. Simpler on my nerves.

[jovial_jon]

I ticked 'it depends on the situation and person'. I'm hardly a relationship veteran so I guess I don't know how I would react if any of those things happened. I'm pretty forgiving, but how forgiving I'd be in a relationship I don't really know...

[TimF]

I am a very understanding person this one girl i was with had cheated on me, had sex with someone else, loved that other person and me as well, loved and had relations with a member of the same sex, And I allowed these things to go on beacuse i loved her and her happiness was the only thing that mattered to me. But when the time came when we did go our seprate ways it was not beacuse of the lack of love it was beacause of her parents. They found out her and I did some stuff together and instead of seeing it as it took 2 to do the act they thought their baby girl could do no wrong so they told her to break up with me she still loves me she tells me from time to time but if I ever had the chance to go back with her i would have to turn her down she put me through way too much indignation for me to ever take her back. And the funny thing is she never even knew she was doing it beacuse she was too wraped up in herself and what i could give her instead of trying to have a relationship where both members are contributing. But like i said i am very understanding and very flexible when it comes to relationships one time i even had this relationship where me and the girl were together but we were seeing other people as well.....well she was I was loyal to her (the way I treat my signifigant others is second to none.... or so i like to think :-) ).

[cross-platform]

I guess it would really depend on a lot of things. My knee-jerk reaction would be to end it there, but it would really take a lot of thought and contemplating on both sides I think. You really just have to take each situation one at a time.

[Camui]

I think so of these would depend on circumstances, but it s hard to forgive somebody if they cheat on you...and I don't understand why someone would be going out with someone who doesn't care about them in the first place... I definetly would be understanding if they loved someone else even if it were of the same sex...it would hurt, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy even if its not with you..that's my opinion...

[neptunemoon]

Yea well I kind of am currently going through a situation as mentioned in the poll. Its hard. Really hard. Been cheated on yet I will still be with him. It's like he is possesed because he bacame a different person at least around the other girl. There are so many lies in the situation and i even think the girl is lying about alot of things. When I think about all that me and him have been through I would take him back without a doubt. Right now he is in his home country. Before he left he chose the other girl over me. There is sooo much more to this situation but I know he still loves me. Yes I may be the fool for still loving him and hoping it works out when he comes back. I rather just think he was possessed hey always a possibility or had a different personality. Im just a stand by your man kind of girl no matter what. (sigh)

[EscaFlowne]

:souka:

Though an act such as your is commendable, you shouldn't call yourself a fool. Plenty of people have done such the same thing. Though you should ask yourself, "If you know he really loves you would he had picked the othe girl?" Sometimes something you want so bad may not be the thing you need. Love is based on respect and honesty for the other person, if he disregards it then...just think about it. Everyone deserves to be happy. And besides i don't know the full facts.

:balloon:

[neptunemoon]

I believe in our love and what we once had. These days sooo many people cheat its ridiculous. What hope is there left in this world. And all the good guys are not my type. I think I would stay with him no matter what. I rather be alone if me and him dont work it out i would rather be myself for the rest of my life unless gackt comes and ask me to marry him.

[Winter]

I'm into the 'forgive and forget' mentality. Someone cheats on me, I forgive them, then forget about them.

Makes life easy.

[EscaFlowne]

I'm more or less with winter. :balloon:

[neptunemoon]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

[Mikitty]

None of those things, i take a long time to trust people, and if they gain my trust and then break it, then its going to be over because its like a tooth hanging by a thread, if that makes any sense. I can still be friends with them, but its like the trust factor has completely gone, and if i dont have trust in a relationship, then what do i have?
with love comes trust.

[EscaFlowne]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

i hope everything comes out like you want it to then.... :o :worried: :eek:

[Duo]

Heh, once somebody cheats on you, it's over. If they don't have the will to repress their feelings and desires, then they don't have the full will to give themselves completely to you. Now this is not an absolute, the world is big, and there can more than one person out there that you may love or have very strong feelings for, yet when you choose to stick with someone, and you betray them, than you betray yourself and your will. If you feel you have found someone that totally eclipses the other person and you can do nothing about it, then that's normal, it's nothing to feel guilty about, finish things with the other person in a true manner, not going around sneaking behind his/her back like a coward. Step up to reality, this how things are with men and women, you just have to be careful about not hurting somone, and if you will have to in order to be true with your own feelings, than be true, truthful and respectful to the person whom you are losing attraction to because of someone else. Sure, it will hurt to him/her, but at least they will have their dignity and respect.

Well i'm just rambling, but my thoughts on the topic anyways.
good luck to all y'all in the world of love :-)

[Winter]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

Sounds like anxiety disorder. Or old fashioned obsession. Either way, it doesnt sound healthy.

[neptunemoon]

obsession with something else but i have not finished taking my psych course yet. or maybe too hopeful???????

[Doc]

After looking at all the options I only have one thing to about them: I have no time or tolerance for such immature behavior. It's simply like this, break my trust and you're out the door. There's no pleading, begging, or second chances. All terms are final. You screw up, you're out of my life. This is the same with my friendships as well.

Doc

[Index]

I can empathize somewhat with Neptunemoon as I'm going through the same situation at the moment. I'm struggling to make up my mind about what to do, whether to end it now or give her another chance. My first reaction was "sayonara baby", but I've found it's not that easy. Even when I had thought about what I would do if this kind of situation ever came up, I thought I would break it off. In reality however, I'm finding it much more difficult to end something that I have invested so much into. I agree with those who have said that it all depends on the situation. While I agree that breaking trust is terrible thing, especially in matters of the heart, I realize that people are infallible too. I'm hoping time will help me make up my mind.

[Doc]

Well Index, all I can say is to think about it. Personally I'd dump her in a heartbeat like I said in your other thread, but you have to do what you have to do. All I can say is don't wait too long or it could cause more problems than good.

Doc

[nurizeko]

cheating on me = dumped
not liking or loving me = not even a relationship to begin with
a homosexual = definatly no chance of a relationship in the first place
hates me = i'de hate them back before hooknig up with them


but really its a case by case thing.
i take a zero tolerance approach to cheaters and people who are anything less then committed to the relationship, for example, pissing about and in general acting without any respect for the relationship, i dont tolerate flirting with other guys, having friends with guys is okay, but blatant flirting doesnt hold water with me.

actually im pretty easy going, as lnog as the girl likes me or loves me, and isnt apathetic towards me, and isnt running around with other guys be it being overly friendly beyond reason, or cheating, then im pretty easy going, but cross that line and its finished, line of no return.

ive developed this harsh rule set for relationships simply because my easy-going in the past has in all cases turned round to bite me in the ***, and i just got tired of picking up after betrayal.

i know, i sound bitter, but people make the concious decision to either take the bait every time just to feel wanted and loved and inevitably crushed, or to play it smart, and relize relationships enrich life, they dont sustain it.

in the early days its easier to be a bit easier gonig but i dont really date around, my relationships are formed after both sides involved feel they think their is something there, i dont get into relationships for the sake of it, i enter them for love, other then that were just friends and thats just the way it is.

so in my case i can quite easily forgive things like accidents and heat of the momment hurtful things, fights and stuff....but if i smell cheating, be it full bown, or simply entertaining the idea with a "just a friend, honestly" your gone :-)

[Shuujin]

didn't know there was multichoice polls now. i've been away too long.

[Kara_Nari]

Ooh, just found this one....
Well I dont mind being cheated on, as long as they dont love the other person, and they arent in the same country as me. I think that if my partner would want to have sex with someone else then it should only happen when im not there to provide.
Which is kind of similar to the 'he/she had sex with somebody else but continued to love you'. As long as im the only one being loved, thats fine, and visa versa. However if/when I get married and have children, it would HAVE to be a monogamous relationship for the sake of the children, and to stay true to the meaning of marriage. Until then... im a little more open minded.

[Tsuyoiko]

I chose 'case by case'. A really strong relationship can survive almost anything, as long as there is determination from both parties to make it work.

[nurizeko]

As long as i am loved and not cheated on, i am fine, and can forgive most things.

However not being loved isnt cool so, i would probably lean towards a break-up, though i would hate having to initiate it, and if she cheated on me then, whoa, she better pack her bags.

I guess some people are strong enough to survive an affair in the relationship, but, it ussually has a habit of dirtying it, of defiling it if you will, like corrupting holy water once its done its kinda considored different from then on, like crunching up a clean new peice of paper.

Most people strong enough to survive it are the ones who wouldnt ever let it happen so, i admire more a couple who love each other more then the motives behind an affair or whatever.

[Duo]

if she was to cheat on me, twould be over for good, no matter luv or not.

[-rika- shinya`]

i chose

he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to you [or opposite sex for those already in homosexual relationship]

i don't mind this :souka: in fact, i'll love him even more :D

he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time

as someone had already said... i'd rather he sleep with her and thinking of me, than with me but thinking of her.

[Julienne]

Quite a difficult question... I choose the can't make up my mind option, since it would really depend on the person and situation I guess... and because I can't possibly say now what I would actually do in such a situation.

[Anchyyy]

It really depends on the situation and the person your with. But anyway that's my opinion.

he/she cheated on you
Probably. Cheating always kind of continous, it's better to leave him... people mostly cheat on their partners, because they are not satisficed with something. May it be sex, thier personality, apearence or something smiliar.

he/she loved someone else (but didn't do anything) and not you
I would leave him. If you love a person deeply and with your heart and soul, his/her happiness is in the first place.

he/she loved both you and someone else
You can love just one person.

he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to
I would. He loves another one. And by the way have nothing about same sex partners :blush:


he/she didn't love you (but not anybody else either), but liked you
Yeah. You can't be with someone who likes you only as a friend.

he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time
Sex is conected with love. And sex with another person while he's with you is cheating.


he/she really didn't love or like you, but without hating you (just no feeling at all)
Yes.

he/she hated you
You can't be with someone in relations ship if he/she hates you.

Really can't make up my mind - case by case depending on the person and situation
Other (please specify)

[ArmandV]

Ooh, just found this one....
Well I dont mind being cheated on, as long as they dont love the other person, and they arent in the same country as me. I think that if my partner would want to have sex with someone else then it should only happen when im not there to provide.
Which is kind of similar to the 'he/she had sex with somebody else but continued to love you'. As long as im the only one being loved, thats fine, and visa versa. However if/when I get married and have children, it would HAVE to be a monogamous relationship for the sake of the children, and to stay true to the meaning of marriage. Until then... im a little more open minded.


In this day and age with HIV and other STDs, it is foolish to put up with a cheating lover, male or female. You don't know what they might bring home to you.

[ELECTRIC JAPAN]

Do not play with my sweet affection,my darlings of Japan.
I have a heart of a rose but if you betray me my high heel
will stomp you in the heart.
S P L A T!.
I will be alive in your living nightmares.
Never break a heart.

[Rich303]

Do not play with my sweet affection,my darlings of Japan.
I have a heart of a rose but if you betray me my high heel
will stomp you in the heart.
S P L A T!.
I will be alive in your living nightmares.
Never break a heart.


I can tolerate/ understand infidelity in some cases, but it has to be a mutual understanding between the people that it is an 'open' relationship.

However, if one person thinks it is 'true love' and the other doesn't it can be damaging. It is wrong to tell someone you love them if you do not.
If I am giving someone all my attention and love, I expect the same. Once cheating has occured it is hard to regain the trust.

I'm an old romantic

[RockLee]

Sex is conected with love. And sex with another person while he's with you is cheating.I wouldn't say sex is connected with love Anchyyy ;-) You can have sex with somebody just for fun, but not love that person.

[Anchyyy]

I wouldn't say sex is connected with love Anchyyy ;-) You can have sex with somebody just for fun, but not love that person.

Depends on a person. I don't think i could have sex with someone just for fun :p

[Julienne]

I have to agree with Anchyyy on that, I couldn't do that. But RockLee's remark also makes some sense, even though I wouldn't do it... cause I guess there's a lot of people who do have sex just for fun.

[cursore]

he/she cheated on you-
Then she would not be able to walk straight anymore.
he/she loved someone else (but didn't do anything) and not you
I’ll leave her
he/she loved both you and someone else
I’m not sharing… she better go on her way.
he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to you [or opposite sex for those already in homosexual relationship]
I cannot answer this one…
he/she didn't love you (but not anybody else either), but liked you
I’m not wasting my time I’ll see her just for bed and fun stuff
he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time
See answer one
he/she really didn't love or like you, but without hating you (just no feeling at all)
And what the hell is she doing with me?
he/she hated you
I can take that, it is another form of love
Really can't make up my mind - case by case depending on the person and situation
Other (please specify)
That is true enough let not being a superficial jealous Italian like me

[happygaijin]

No. I won't stay but would make sure our break-up is graceful and not dramatic.

[pedroami]

1) he/she cheated on you-
If that ever happened I'd be pretty pissed off. Loyalty and trust is important to me.

2) he/she loved someone else (but didn't do anything) and not you
If she doesn't love me then I shouldn't try to make her, I need to find someone who will

3) he/she loved both you and someone else
She'll need to decide between me or the other. Trust and loyalty is important

4) he/she loved someone else of the same sex (homosexual love) in addition to you [or opposite sex for those already in homosexual relationship]
No thanks. She can love another girl, but I have to be her main love.

5) he/she didn't love you (but not anybody else either), but liked you
Then we'd just be good friends. Call it even

6) he/she had sex with someone else, but continued to love you at the same time
I'd forgive her... but I'm going to have to talk to her about it. Seriously.

7) he/she really didn't love or like you, but without hating you (just no feeling at all)
Then its not worth my time

8) he/she hated you
LoL, I'll answer the same as curore: I can take that, it is another form of love

9) Other (please specify)
If she broke up with me and wanted to come back again... I'd let her.

[Derfel]

NECROMANCER!

http://www.laurenbaker.us/cosplay/images/costumes/necro3.gif

[azkadinansa]

yeah... why we must sleeping with woman/man, if we does not love each other.... its just give our energy unless..... is better if we know or love each other... so sex is become beautiful.........